Chelsea vs Ass-senal

we lost!.. 2-1..

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....

fuck!....

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....

Kepong-Denai Alam-Kepong-Bangi-Kepong

the route i used today. damn tired! i had to go to denai alam for roadshow. i don't know how to get to bangi from there so i figured that i go to kepong 1st for lunch. so i went. it has been a while since i dine at wak's. always my favourite spot for lunch. i arrived before office lunch time so i had alot of lauk to choose. heaven man..

i quickly ate my lunch then around 1pm i went to bangi. i think my butt went numb from the journey. if not for the cumpulsory attendance, i'll be home sleeping or play some gamehouse. then i had to contend the journey back home. luckily it was not raining today. but nevertheless, my butt went numb again. oh hell..

Pasukan Sorak Bowling Hampeh

yesterday my company held a bowling tournament between all central region areas. and guess what i went there of course but not as a bowler, but as 1 of the cheer leading team. i was 'forced' or shall we say paksa rela. we were supposed to do some cheer to our area, like every other team. so we made 1 like every other team. and it turns out horribly wrong. i think we were the worst cheer team that day. but hey, everything was about having fun. so with a thick skin i did it and i'm having fun. they also gave hampers to the top 3 best cheerleading teams. so it double as a competition also la.

the performance was done after all the games had ended. so we got to see all the other team make a fool of themselves and all the staff from varoius areas and branches, plus some on-lookers and customers, got to laugh at our faces. well, it was hilarious!

well, the sad thing was we didn't win (in your dream). but we didn't went home empty handed. the consolation was 1 of our area 5 (AM5) team did managed to grab the 2nd runners-up trophy (a small one), plus one of the bowler from am5 bowled the 3rd highest individual score so he also received his prize. i didn't remember which team from which area won the competition but the overall winner was from area1 (AM1). congrats to them.

hahaha!: kak lini was laugh us off.. damn it!

central one: batik, gong, kompang. i thought they were doing dzikir barat.

the winner: can you believe this team was the winner? the just dance! better go to dance competition.

AM7: i think area 7 must be the breading ground of devil, ghost and satan.

AM5 is winning winning: you got to be kidding me?

fool's gold: we got to join some high ranking managers & officers doing some not so high act. hehe..

kipas-susah-mati: a toddler came to support us.. not! her mom forced her to join. if not, no cartoon network.

camouflage?: chloe and man was thinking they could hide themselves. but to no vail. tough luck..

blue is the colour: AM5 war zone.

Menyepi Seketika

hi again. it has been some time since i post something. well the last post was on 20 oct. today is 29 nov. over 1 month. hmm, maybe i am just downward lazy. that's all.

a lot of things happened along the way. i just couldn't find the time (bullshit!) nor place (more bullshit!) to spare a few minutes to write something. there were ups and downs but generally my life is considered ok. a lot of epl game review, i missed out. the wins, the draw AND the loss. yes, the LOSS (damn it!).

i'll give you a quick summary of what had happened to chelsea this past month. in the league they sits comfortably at the top albeit only seperated by goal difference. they broke the record for successive away wins for league games. i think its 10 games on the trot. in champios league, 1 lost (roma) and i draw (bordeaux), not through yet to the next round (shit!). they were currently lie 2nd behind roma. sadly they are out of carling cup (not too sought after cup anyway). all in all, not exellent but better than average.

as for myself. there were times when i'm relax and smiling and there were times when the weight gets too heavy. and then there were times when i get a liiiitle bit nutty. but most of the time i do my own thing. just to pass the time.

Middlesbrough 0 - 5 Chelsea

king 'salamon': the 1st of a 2 goals scored 

was it good? no.. was it great? no.. it was AMAZING!!!!!!

can you believe the scoreline? well i almost didn't. i can't believe my eyes either. sitting infront of the plasma tv with friends at mamak and watched as the great ol chelsea utterly trashed boro was simply PRICELESS.

injuries? no problem. away match? big deal. score lots and lots of goals? as usual.. muahahaha!!! can't wait for the champions league game. chelsea vs roma at stamford bridge. it is unlikely that i can watch that game (office hours la sekarang.. waaaa...) but hopefuly the results will be satisfying. 

viva chelsea!!

Demam Lagi

it has been a week since i arrived in kl. and it has been a week since i write anything. today i'm on medical leave. i've been sick since yesterday. i'm down with fever. i'm feeling ok right now. better than yesterday. 

everytime i went back to kl, i will definitely have a fever. well most of the time. sometimes it baffles me. i mean who wouldn't. it's like a curse or something. or is it the weather? it has been raining since i landed here almost everyday. but rain or not, i WILL be down with fever sooner or later within a week after my arrival. sure does it, i am now. 

Berat Hati Memikul

today is my last day at home. tonight is also my last night watching astro because we don't have astro back in kl (only gov channel). i have this type of feeling every time i want to leave home. every time and every year for over 8 years. but this time the emotion may last longer. because last time i can divert this feeling of sadness. because i have a 'cousilor' back in kl to ease the strong emotion of sadness of leaving a place i call heaven on earth. a place i call home. 

but that was last time. 

berat betul rasa hati nak tinggalkan tempat asal ku. berat sangat. cuti seminggu rasa macam sekejap je. rasa macam baru semalam aku balik umah. dulu sebenarnya rasa berat sebab terpaksa meninggalkan keselesaan berada di rumah, di samping keluarga. makan minum terjaga, pengangkutan senang, tak keluar banyak kos, seronok dengan celoteh anak buah. tapi aku ada back up. so bila balik kl hati rasa berat dan  sedih. tapi ada insan yang boleh pujuk aku. aku boleh alih hati aku and i'm back to normal in no time. 

sekarang hati ni bukan berat kerana nak tinggalkan rumah semata-mata. tapi lebih risaukan pasal kerja aku. masa depan aku. terasa macam nak berhenti notis 24 jam je. risau tahap agung. tak keruan. tapi aku bukan anak orang kaya. siapa nak bayar bill aku? siapa nak bagi aku makan? siapa nak belikan minyak motosikal aku? sewa rumah? siapa nak tolong kurangkan beban kakak-kakak aku support parent aku? parent dah bersara. harapkan anak-anak tolong support. tak kan parent aku pula yang kena support aku. sampai bila aku asyik nak susahkan family aku. dah banyak kali aku susahkan dieorang. 

tapi back up dah tak ada. kaunselor pun dah tak ada. jadi aku pun tak tau nak buat macam mana sekarang. nak tak nak, sanggup tak sanggup, boleh tak boleh, aku kena juga lah harung semua rasa yang datang. ini lah yang buat aku hilang semangat. 

we must have some kind of motivation whenever we feel down. anything that can lift ourself up and keep going forward. i've lost mine and now i don't seem to find any yet. the one thing that saves me right now is a sane mind. there were several times that i thought i could lost it. i'm really thankful to God that i'm still sober.

there are a lot of people that want me to go home. this time for good. a lot of people, for varying reasons. because some people care. but some people just don't give a damn. they just want me to go home, thats all. isn't it right dear? because people with rage can do a lot of damage. it might happen or it might not. it all depends on a lot of things, reasons, factors, or whatever. more sacrifices has to be made and it doesn't look good. 

i wish i don't have to make a lot of choices. i know soetimes we have to make choices. i mean the hard one. the one that involve 'life' and 'death' of your life or anything that connects directly to you. it is just a wish. hanya sekadar luahan rasa je. 

walaupun aku terasa perit dugaan yang datang tak akan berlalu dalam masa terdekat ini, tetapi aku sentiasa berdoa ia akan cepat pergi. aku redahkan saja lah buat masa sekarang. boleh tepis bagus lah, tak boleh tepis redah lagi lah. macam balik raya ni contohnya. ramai yang tanya mana dia? sihat ke?.. masak betul aku nak jawab. terpaksa la aku redahkan. first day raya dah buat dosa dah. maafkan aku. kesian parent aku. macam mana nak bagitau semua. tak sanggup rasanya nak tengok parent aku hadapi semua. apa lah yang aku dah buat ni. sedihnya Tuhan saja yang tahu. 

i'm so sorry. 

so i think that was it for now. take care home. i'll miss you dearly. love always.

Chelsea 2 - 0 Aston Villa

cole: scoring the opener with a thunder shot.

i agreed with lampard. he made a statement before their match saying do aston villa have what it takes to break into the top 4? maybe not this season. they still have a loooong way to go my friend. well, the result says it all. chelsea won yesterday with a 2 goal scored by joe cole and anelka. both goal scored in the first half. 

the most irritating thing was that the match didn't have any live broadcast on astro. WTF? i was 'forced' to watch a delayed telecast after the west ham vs bolton game that the later won 3 - 1. oh well, chelsea won. no more jinx team right?.. right.

Masa Tak Terasa

it has been a week since i arrived back home and tomorrow i'll be back to kl. time flies by without we realise it. damn! it just felt like no time at all. aaarrgghh! i really want to stay a little bit longer. but i just can't. and it really make me a bit frustrated, a bit sad.

i'm just getting comfortable. i'm just settling down. i want to go back to kl. yet there is also a feeling in me that want to be back home. easy for some people to just say that i should go  back to where i belong. but for me it's not as easy as uttering the word 'baliklah'. i like kl. it's fun, exciting, happening. shopping, window shopping, lepaking, theme parks, easy access to other parts of malaysia, even singapore, food, movies, pirate dvds, pasar malam, aweks, cowoks etc etc. the list goes on. but even with all that kl got to offer me, doesn't matter how often i lepak, how far i travel, how much i laugh, there seems to be something missing in the puzzle. i don't feel 'fullfilled' you know. 

maybe because of after all that had happened, i just felt that kl has nothing to offer me anymore. don't get me wrong, kl has almost everything for a typical east malaysian guy like me. it's just that, i fell.. i have lost my purpose. even if i feel my life at home is no different than kl, infact maybe more boring interms of well, everrythng that i can imagine. but my family is here, i was born and raise here and most importantly, i'm cormfortable here. 

i have nobody in kl. i mean if anyting happens to me, i'm pratically are on my own. i do have friends but only a few left standing besides me. even they can't always be there when i'm in need.. hmm..  

i've got to think long and hard. time will tell. 

Rumah Baru

my sister and her family just moved in to their new house during last ramadhan. so they celebrated hari raya at their new home. it is a single storey house. corner lot. medium size but it is a nice house. the theme is green. 

i just wonder, when i could buy my own house. i want to own my own too. i'll just have to wait. actually i want a house more than i want a car. but if i can get hold of either one, i'll be happy. get both than i'll be happier. i'll try to buy a landed house. 

i'm not much of an apartment person. i also prefer a small to medium house. not that i don't like a big one but i think i just can't afford it. more over, it's easier to manage a small house. anyway, i would love to have a place to call home.

Raya?

i think there is something not right with me. i'm back home for hari raya but i didn't feel a thing. i mean the raya feeling, the excitement, the joy. i was sincere when i knelt down, kissed my parent's hands and asked for forgiveness. i was expecting at least a sad feeling. but no, nothing. this is totally unexpected. 

for the 1st time since i can remember i had no feeling what so ever. strange. AND confused. i think something already took effect. is this the new me? i hope not. i reeeallly hope not.

when we are used of doing something for years and suddenly it doesn't happen anymore, we get this strange feeling, awkward, diffrerent. in a bad way. 

i'm tired. not enough sleep i think. everything is exhausting.

CFR Cluj-Napoca 0 - 0 Chelsea

chelsea was held to a scoreless draw by a club i myself are not quite sure how to pronounce correctly. with drogba injured again and he will probably not play again pending the extent of his injury. 

well this was 1 of those games that chelsea didn't play to their full capability but every club has their own  not-so-good-day and maybe last night was the case for chelsea. neverthrless, it was an average performance fot the blues as this was the 1st time they met, ever. and with some research on the net, i found out that most of cluj's player are from south america and a wealthy romanian businessman bought the club around 3 years ago. 

anyway chelsea is still leading the group with 4 points (cluj also got 4 points but with goal difference). 

Kunjung Mengunjung Di Hari Raya

the mosque

on the 1st day of hari raya yesterday, after the raya prayer, we started our eating mode. eat and eat and eat. i didn't eat much at home. my mom made lontong. marvellous! but i tried to contain myself from eating too much because we had a lot of open house to attend to later on that day.

as usual during the 1st day of raya  every year, we did the balik kampung journey. just a 30-40 miniuts drive away from our house. my parent went ahead first.  me and my sis went later around noon. as i said, eat and eat and eat. nasib baik i had reserved spaces in my stomach for extra food intake. 

after a few hours of talking and eating finally the full-ness of my stomach finally sets in. and its time me and my sis got back home. then i slept unconciously until around 11pm (i only slept for 2 hours yesterday) before i woke up and went to my friend's house and lepak there untill 2am. (later watched chelsea play in CL with and unknown club and get a draw. damn!).

basically what i did on the 1st day of raya. nothing much. i just need to go to 1 of a friend's house and that is it. my raya is complete. as i only have these to house to visits during every raya. then i'll just sit home and relax. not as exciting as everyone else's raya maybe. but i'll have to make do of what i have. 

Di Keheningan Pagi Aidilfitri..

1 Syawal 1429H. 

berlalu sudah bulan ramdhan. maka tiba pula aidilfitri. mungkin ramai yang gembira kerana berakhirnya menahan lapar dan dahaga dari terbit fajar sehingga terbenam matahari selama sebulan. berakhirnya penyiksaan perut yang kelaparan seharian (bagi yang tak puasa sama je macam hari lain). tapi ramai juga yang bersedih kerana tamat sudah bulan yang memberi ganjaran berlipat kali ganda dari bulan-bulan yang lain. sedih kerana terasa tak cukup ibadat yang dilaksanakan. tak sempat nak menadah tangan berdoa kepada Illahi memohon keampunan atau memohon restu atau meminta pertolongan kerana terlalu banyak yang ingin disampaikan. 

walau apa pun perasaan masing-masing secara amnya boleh dikatakan kebanyakan orang gembira dengan kehadiran hari lebaran. bulan memohon kemaafan, meminta keampunan. bulan untuk melupakan pertelingkahan atau perselisihan lalu. jika ketika lain kita terasa berat untuk memaafkan, tetapi bila tiba hari raya, ada insan yang boleh berubah rasa. boleh terasa 'yang sudah tu sudah lah'. hati boleh memujuk ' tutup yang lama, buka lembaran baru'. so kalau nak jadi ketidak-puas-hati-an lagi lepas ni, itu lain cerita. yang peting kalau boleh ditamatkan sekarang apa salah nya. kalau bukan dihari mulia ni, bila lagi? so nothing to loose and everything to gain.

aku pun tak nak ketinggalan. aku pun nak memohon maaf. aku pun nak meminta keampunan. terlalu banyak kalau nak buat list. terutama untuk orang-orang yang tersayang dan disayangi. atau yang pernah menyayangi. banyak penyesalan. terlalu banyak yang ingin diungkapkan. tersangat banyak yang ingin diluahkan. 

tahun lepas aku bertakbir di perantauan kerana giliran aku untuk bekerja di hari raya pertama dan kedua. tahun ini aku bersyukur boleh bertakbir di tempat lahir ku. tetapi tahun ini sangat berbeza untuk aku. terasa pelik. ganjil. janggal. maaf, aku tak boleh menceritakan kesemuanya. cukup la sekadar yang Maha Esa mengetahui. 

banyak yang terbayang di kepala aku sekarang. terbayang di suatu ketika dahulu. terima kasih ku ucapkan. terlalu besar untuk dilupakan. terlalu banyak untuk dipalingkan. 

di keheningan pagi aidilfitri ini, dikesempatan ini aku ingin menyusun jari jemari aku memohon keampunan dan kemaafan. kepada rakan taulan mahupun yang tersayang. ke atas segala-galanya. perbuatan dan tutur kata. zahir dan batin. jika masa boleh diputarkan kembali alangkah gembiranya aku. tapi aku sekadar manusia biasa. aku bukan superhero. halalkan makan minum ku. aku redha jika tiada yang ingin memberikan kemaafan kepadaku. tetapi jika ada, aku harap ia datang dari hati yang penuh dengan keikhlasan. kerana aku sememangnya ikhlas memaafkan jika ada yang ingin memohonnya dari ku. 

salam sayang dari ku di hari yang mulia ini. aku menadah tangan memohon doa kepada Allah yang Maha Esa. supaya menghadirkan bahagia kepada semua terutama insan-insan yang ku kenali. dan yang pernah dikenali. yang masih ada mahupun yang telah pergi. perjalanan ku masih jauh dan berliku. 

Selamat Hari Raya. Salam Aidilfitri. 

Maaf zahir & Batin.

Penghujung Ramadhan, Merindui Ketenangan

today is the last day of the holly month of ramadhan. muslims around the world will fast and did the terawih prayer for the last time this year. time fly us by without us realised it. by tomorow a celebration will begin. 

i will begin my journey back to my home town. oh how i miss it so much. i need this break. i need something to ease my mind. something that could rejuvinate me. something where i could just relax and be myself. 

when the going gets taugh, sometimes we need a place to cool down. and no other place is better then a place we call home. no clients, no customers, no work, no deadline, no targets, no budgets, no tension, no frustration, no tiredness, or everything that we can relate to work. just the sofa, the food, the laptop and the astro. and the live football. 

honestly saying i think this ramadhan is the best yet for me since i arrived here. not in terms of my life or the fasting itself but in things like prayers. the 5-times-a-day prayer or terawih prayer or the doa i had been asking from God. i didn't say that i did every prayer everyday. well, there were still some 'holes' here and there. but at least i did better than last year. especially in the terawih section. maybe to some people i'm just a lousy muslim. but i'm proud of myself. maybe it is just a very small step. but a very meaningful one. this time around, i also berdoa a lot to God. i'm the one that people call 'sudah terhantuk'. the wound is big and it was bleeding profusely. hopefully it was for the better.

but make no mistake. this ramadhan is definitely the toughest one to date in terms of my personal life. only God and a few person knows what i'm talking about. 

today around noon, i will start my journey back home. hopefully i will arrive early at the airport because today is the last day of ramadhan and the balik kampung exodus are definitely not over yet. it's far from over. and hopefully (again) my trip would not be hit with any serious snag along the way. 

i do really mention a lot, words like hope and journey didn't i? well, that is what i need and my life right now. a journey full of hopes. that is the only few things i have left now. 

i'll be coming home soon. goodbye ramadhan. i'll sure miss you so much.

Memohon Keampunan

sometime you've got to do what you really have to do. even if it kills you. even if you don't want to. but you need to. because if you are not doing it, it will haunt you for the rest of your life.

your hands were trembling. you can't think straight. you can't breath properly. you nearly had a nervous breakdown. you can't even focus on your driving. but still you went on. because maybe this is the only chance. the timing was right and the time has come. either now or never. you chose now.

sometimes it is a bit strange that someone with the weakest of heart can do things that they can't or shouldn't do. maybe it was some act of desperation or maybe it was just necessary to make a statement to say that what they have build for years shouldn't be thrown out of the window. you can't change what had happened but you sincerely hope that things wont change too drastically. yes you can't hide the fact that it will not be the same anymore. ever. it will never be the same because the damage is done.

but you feel you have to make a point that even if you had lost everything, they shouldn't lost it too. they are not the one that should suffer too. guilty of everything was what was in your mind along the way. let the blame falls on you. not them. they are perfectly innocent. guilty again. almost every moment you thought of things that you can do to turn it all around. things that wont involve them.

but every time you think hard to want to patch things up, you ended being more hopeless, weaker, excruciating pain, sadder and finally you arrived to the point of mental breakdown. or in other words.. crazy. yes crazy. the threat is very real. VERY REAL. only the thought of your family and the believe in God prevent it from happening. for now. lets just hope your mind will hold on for as long as it could. hold on for its dear life. because if you mind fails, then life has no meaning anymore. you don't want it to happen. ever.

you love everyone. even if they are not officially connected to you anymore but there is still a bond that link them to you. you love all of them so much. you would do anything to take all this problems far far away from them.

pakcik and makcik. forgiveness he seek. and there will always be love in his heart.

Stoke City 0 - 2 Chelsea

get away from me: bosingwa was mobbed by team mates after scoring the goal.

stoke city was no match to the mighty chelsea as the blues romp to a 2 - 0 victory against the premier league newcomer. need me to say more. a win again. well....

Masih Kerja

i'm still working on monday. the feeling is excruciating! i'm already in festive mood right. so i think monday will be an acting day or hypocrite day. well depends. 

i can't wait to get back home. a place of serinity. a place of comfort and relaxation. in other words, heaven on earth for me. 

my boring days are just starting to take affect. starting today, either some people start to work full shift or they starts their journey balik kampung. hate being alone. but what to do. 

Portsmouth 0 - 4 Chelsea

easy beb: lampard scored from the penalty spot.

why was it so easy for chlesea to score 4 goals every time they met portsmouth? hmm.. maybe chelsea is too good. ops.. my bad. chelsea IS too good. case closed. courtesy of 2 from lampard and 1 each from molouda and kalou. i didn't watch this game. nevetheless a win is very satisfying. a beating is very very satisfying. hehe..

Kenyang Di Marche

-some of the evidence on display-

delicious. one word that sums it all. damn tasty! i went to berbuka puasa at marche. courtesy  of an angel. thank you darling. this time around i get to EAT there. not merely a guest of the guests. i get to taste all the delicious delicacies offered that night. it was simply marvelous. my taste buds cant even have the time to breath, if it has a nose. 

unfortunately i'm not worth the money if someone wants to treat me a buffet. because i'm not what i was 1 or 2 years back. but if someone insist, then rezeki jangan di tolak. of all the dishes, my favourite was the oyster. God it tasted so good i don't even know how to describe it. but i just manage to take the last 2. damn! 

i don't even remember when was the last time i really enjoy eating. this is not the place where we can go often you know. worth every cents. maybe someday i could bring my family here. someday.