Dimanakah noktah?

Sunday. June 29, 2008

i dont know where to start.

last friday. on june 27, 2008. i received another big, no, its a huge blow to my already crumbling life. some fucking pig had stolen my scooter.

yes. my beloved scooter. the scooter that i love so much. the scooter that my parent gave me. the scooter that was always there for me. through my ups and down. through happiness and laughter. through hardship and pain. through sadness and sorrow.

i dont have much of an anything in my life. but just in less than 5 month i lost these few things that i hold dear. the only things i had left. infact in dont have anything more to hold on to except for one. my inspiron? oh God please dont.

my love life, my adidas sweater, my friends and now my scooter.

2008 is the year that i would really want to forget. but ironnically, its the year it will also be remembered for the rest of my life.

is there an end to my misfortune? is there actually an end to all of this?

adakah ini yang dimaksudkan sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga?

tapi apakan daya. aku hanya mampu meratapi kehilangan. yang masih belum menunjukkan tanda2 ia kan berakhir. sampai bilakah aku akan terus merasa kehilangan? berat. terlalu berat. sangat2 berat..

ya Allah.. sangat-sangat berat.. :'(

mata aku merah lagi. air mata aku mengalir lagi. hidung aku tersumbat lagi. macam dah routine. macam dah jadi satu kemestian sekarang. tak sudah2. aku dah bosan, muak, tak larat.
bahu aku sudah tak terdaya nak memikul dugaan yang begitu berat. dah retak pun. retak menunggu belah. dah nak tertanggal dah.

tabah. cekal. sabar. kuat..
atau
gila. putus asa. putus harap. mengaku kalah.

which one do i choose?

it seems that it keeps coming. taking me by surprise. its like an ambush. it hits you where you least expected it.

now i know why people become crazy. why people commit suicide. why people do things that we deem stupid and unthinkable to human consciousness.

because i feel it too. its unbearable. it weakens your entire body. it blocks your sense of logic, stab you right in your heart and soul, close your will to live, it deprive you of hope. all the hope that you had left.

the hurricane may have past. but the dark cloud hovering above me doesnt seem to go away anytime sooner. a new storm may come again. i just dont know when. i just dont know what. could i be ready for it when it strike again? well, the answer is.. no.

is there a silver lining from all of this?

is there any light left for me at the end or the tunnel?

is there anything else left?

anything..