"4 Missed Call"

i have been staring at the screen for like eternity, thinking of what are the right words to start this post. and still don't have a clue.

i feel like writing something. i want to write something. i just don't know how to start.

today i felt quite sad actually. partly because i didn't answer a phone call. the irony was that i've been waiting haplessly for it and when it did finally rang, i was unaware of the blaring loud ringtone because i was in a deep fucking 'death' sleep (directly translated from tido mati). fuck! - that is what happen when you just starting to sleep during a time when other people are busy going to work.

the moment i woke up (and saw the missed call) my mood was nowhere to be found. so i started the day with the feeling of.. sadness.

only at somewhere around 5.30pm did i realize that i need to go out from my house. because i'm getting depressed.

i did some lepaking at kepong. managed to socialized with a few friends. clearing my mind of a few things.. for a while. when they started to go home around 8pm, well i should do the same.

on the way, thinking i don't want to pray in a rush i decided to stop by the mosque. i always admire the new kepong mosque. it is so modern and beautiful.

and one thing about praying in a mosque is that the state of calmness you are in. it's so different with praying alone at the comfort of our room everyday.

after prayer i decided to stay for the Yasin recitation. considering tonight was malam jumaat. week in week out i had been reciting it alone in my room, so i guess maybe i need a little change once in a while.

and boy we could really feel the difference doesn't it? the atmosphere, circumstances, mood, situation makes us more calm, serene, down to earth. i think the right word is more "kusyuk".

the imam said doing jemaah or reciting in groups is always better than doing alone. also the chances of our doa being heard are higher than doing it alone. maybe its kind of a teamwork thing. well, you know the concept. don't need to explain in details.

it is really hard when we really miss something or someone. it really gets into you that sometime hopeless is like a best friend, depress is your food and you drink tears. damn!

i asked a lot from God just now (and everyday infact). family, myself, someone. maybe mine were the least listen to but who know. maybe.. just maybe.

i went back home after isyak. still feeling down but better than earlier. so to speak.

i logged on at around after 9pm just now and now its already 1.42am. took more than 4 hours just thinking of what to write. countless minutes of walking around and to many poison smoke inhaled already (i lost count).

hmm.. i think i should sign off for tonight. my eyes are getting tired and sore watching at the screen.

-02:04am-

yours truthfully,