Satu lagi Episod Dalam Hidup Ku

the sadness is almost unbearable. i need to talk to some. i'm going crazy. it's already midnight. i need to talk to somebody. who am i going to call in the middle of the night?.. fuck!..

eventually i text my sister. not knowing who's picture i send her she called me back. then hell broke loose again. not my sister, but me..

kesian kakak. she tried her best to console me. she is the best sister ever.

i'm totally out and numb.

at this moment of time. sekarang ni, minit ni, saat ni.. aku really wish i have no feeling what so ever. aku wish aku ni seorang yang langsung takde perasaan. yang tak berperasaan. hati kering. hati keras. call it anything you want. kejam. jadi macam batu kayu besi dinding.

sebab kalau tak jadi macam sekarang ni. sedih, bercelaru, murung, lemah.. segala-galanya ada. aku dah tak boleh gambarkan.

sebenarnya this past week my mood was quite good. sampai aku sendiri terdesar eh, seems like aku happy je. aku tak fikir banyak. tengok final bola. dua-dua game menang. sampai aku kata mungkin Allah nak bagi aku happy. sampai macam tu sekali aku terasa my mood was pretty good. tapi di hati kecil aku bersyukur. dengan menaruh harapan dapat bertahan lama.

rupanya.. aku silap.. lagi..

aku risau kalau tetiba aku terasa happy. i'm really worried when things goes my way! because it seems.. not right. strange but true. and guess what. IT'S TRUE.

dah pukul 3:22 AM. aku nak keluar kejap kot.. hari dah malam. dah nak pagi subuh pun.

ish.. sedih nya aku. macam nana nak bagi hilang ah?.. macam mana?..

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW???!!!

I HATE THIS FUCKING FEELING! FUCKING HATE IT!