Middlesbrough 0 - 5 Chelsea

king 'salamon': the 1st of a 2 goals scored 

was it good? no.. was it great? no.. it was AMAZING!!!!!!

can you believe the scoreline? well i almost didn't. i can't believe my eyes either. sitting infront of the plasma tv with friends at mamak and watched as the great ol chelsea utterly trashed boro was simply PRICELESS.

injuries? no problem. away match? big deal. score lots and lots of goals? as usual.. muahahaha!!! can't wait for the champions league game. chelsea vs roma at stamford bridge. it is unlikely that i can watch that game (office hours la sekarang.. waaaa...) but hopefuly the results will be satisfying. 

viva chelsea!!

Demam Lagi

it has been a week since i arrived in kl. and it has been a week since i write anything. today i'm on medical leave. i've been sick since yesterday. i'm down with fever. i'm feeling ok right now. better than yesterday. 

everytime i went back to kl, i will definitely have a fever. well most of the time. sometimes it baffles me. i mean who wouldn't. it's like a curse or something. or is it the weather? it has been raining since i landed here almost everyday. but rain or not, i WILL be down with fever sooner or later within a week after my arrival. sure does it, i am now. 

Berat Hati Memikul

today is my last day at home. tonight is also my last night watching astro because we don't have astro back in kl (only gov channel). i have this type of feeling every time i want to leave home. every time and every year for over 8 years. but this time the emotion may last longer. because last time i can divert this feeling of sadness. because i have a 'cousilor' back in kl to ease the strong emotion of sadness of leaving a place i call heaven on earth. a place i call home. 

but that was last time. 

berat betul rasa hati nak tinggalkan tempat asal ku. berat sangat. cuti seminggu rasa macam sekejap je. rasa macam baru semalam aku balik umah. dulu sebenarnya rasa berat sebab terpaksa meninggalkan keselesaan berada di rumah, di samping keluarga. makan minum terjaga, pengangkutan senang, tak keluar banyak kos, seronok dengan celoteh anak buah. tapi aku ada back up. so bila balik kl hati rasa berat dan  sedih. tapi ada insan yang boleh pujuk aku. aku boleh alih hati aku and i'm back to normal in no time. 

sekarang hati ni bukan berat kerana nak tinggalkan rumah semata-mata. tapi lebih risaukan pasal kerja aku. masa depan aku. terasa macam nak berhenti notis 24 jam je. risau tahap agung. tak keruan. tapi aku bukan anak orang kaya. siapa nak bayar bill aku? siapa nak bagi aku makan? siapa nak belikan minyak motosikal aku? sewa rumah? siapa nak tolong kurangkan beban kakak-kakak aku support parent aku? parent dah bersara. harapkan anak-anak tolong support. tak kan parent aku pula yang kena support aku. sampai bila aku asyik nak susahkan family aku. dah banyak kali aku susahkan dieorang. 

tapi back up dah tak ada. kaunselor pun dah tak ada. jadi aku pun tak tau nak buat macam mana sekarang. nak tak nak, sanggup tak sanggup, boleh tak boleh, aku kena juga lah harung semua rasa yang datang. ini lah yang buat aku hilang semangat. 

we must have some kind of motivation whenever we feel down. anything that can lift ourself up and keep going forward. i've lost mine and now i don't seem to find any yet. the one thing that saves me right now is a sane mind. there were several times that i thought i could lost it. i'm really thankful to God that i'm still sober.

there are a lot of people that want me to go home. this time for good. a lot of people, for varying reasons. because some people care. but some people just don't give a damn. they just want me to go home, thats all. isn't it right dear? because people with rage can do a lot of damage. it might happen or it might not. it all depends on a lot of things, reasons, factors, or whatever. more sacrifices has to be made and it doesn't look good. 

i wish i don't have to make a lot of choices. i know soetimes we have to make choices. i mean the hard one. the one that involve 'life' and 'death' of your life or anything that connects directly to you. it is just a wish. hanya sekadar luahan rasa je. 

walaupun aku terasa perit dugaan yang datang tak akan berlalu dalam masa terdekat ini, tetapi aku sentiasa berdoa ia akan cepat pergi. aku redahkan saja lah buat masa sekarang. boleh tepis bagus lah, tak boleh tepis redah lagi lah. macam balik raya ni contohnya. ramai yang tanya mana dia? sihat ke?.. masak betul aku nak jawab. terpaksa la aku redahkan. first day raya dah buat dosa dah. maafkan aku. kesian parent aku. macam mana nak bagitau semua. tak sanggup rasanya nak tengok parent aku hadapi semua. apa lah yang aku dah buat ni. sedihnya Tuhan saja yang tahu. 

i'm so sorry. 

so i think that was it for now. take care home. i'll miss you dearly. love always.

Chelsea 2 - 0 Aston Villa

cole: scoring the opener with a thunder shot.

i agreed with lampard. he made a statement before their match saying do aston villa have what it takes to break into the top 4? maybe not this season. they still have a loooong way to go my friend. well, the result says it all. chelsea won yesterday with a 2 goal scored by joe cole and anelka. both goal scored in the first half. 

the most irritating thing was that the match didn't have any live broadcast on astro. WTF? i was 'forced' to watch a delayed telecast after the west ham vs bolton game that the later won 3 - 1. oh well, chelsea won. no more jinx team right?.. right.

Masa Tak Terasa

it has been a week since i arrived back home and tomorrow i'll be back to kl. time flies by without we realise it. damn! it just felt like no time at all. aaarrgghh! i really want to stay a little bit longer. but i just can't. and it really make me a bit frustrated, a bit sad.

i'm just getting comfortable. i'm just settling down. i want to go back to kl. yet there is also a feeling in me that want to be back home. easy for some people to just say that i should go  back to where i belong. but for me it's not as easy as uttering the word 'baliklah'. i like kl. it's fun, exciting, happening. shopping, window shopping, lepaking, theme parks, easy access to other parts of malaysia, even singapore, food, movies, pirate dvds, pasar malam, aweks, cowoks etc etc. the list goes on. but even with all that kl got to offer me, doesn't matter how often i lepak, how far i travel, how much i laugh, there seems to be something missing in the puzzle. i don't feel 'fullfilled' you know. 

maybe because of after all that had happened, i just felt that kl has nothing to offer me anymore. don't get me wrong, kl has almost everything for a typical east malaysian guy like me. it's just that, i fell.. i have lost my purpose. even if i feel my life at home is no different than kl, infact maybe more boring interms of well, everrythng that i can imagine. but my family is here, i was born and raise here and most importantly, i'm cormfortable here. 

i have nobody in kl. i mean if anyting happens to me, i'm pratically are on my own. i do have friends but only a few left standing besides me. even they can't always be there when i'm in need.. hmm..  

i've got to think long and hard. time will tell. 

Rumah Baru

my sister and her family just moved in to their new house during last ramadhan. so they celebrated hari raya at their new home. it is a single storey house. corner lot. medium size but it is a nice house. the theme is green. 

i just wonder, when i could buy my own house. i want to own my own too. i'll just have to wait. actually i want a house more than i want a car. but if i can get hold of either one, i'll be happy. get both than i'll be happier. i'll try to buy a landed house. 

i'm not much of an apartment person. i also prefer a small to medium house. not that i don't like a big one but i think i just can't afford it. more over, it's easier to manage a small house. anyway, i would love to have a place to call home.

Raya?

i think there is something not right with me. i'm back home for hari raya but i didn't feel a thing. i mean the raya feeling, the excitement, the joy. i was sincere when i knelt down, kissed my parent's hands and asked for forgiveness. i was expecting at least a sad feeling. but no, nothing. this is totally unexpected. 

for the 1st time since i can remember i had no feeling what so ever. strange. AND confused. i think something already took effect. is this the new me? i hope not. i reeeallly hope not.

when we are used of doing something for years and suddenly it doesn't happen anymore, we get this strange feeling, awkward, diffrerent. in a bad way. 

i'm tired. not enough sleep i think. everything is exhausting.

CFR Cluj-Napoca 0 - 0 Chelsea

chelsea was held to a scoreless draw by a club i myself are not quite sure how to pronounce correctly. with drogba injured again and he will probably not play again pending the extent of his injury. 

well this was 1 of those games that chelsea didn't play to their full capability but every club has their own  not-so-good-day and maybe last night was the case for chelsea. neverthrless, it was an average performance fot the blues as this was the 1st time they met, ever. and with some research on the net, i found out that most of cluj's player are from south america and a wealthy romanian businessman bought the club around 3 years ago. 

anyway chelsea is still leading the group with 4 points (cluj also got 4 points but with goal difference). 

Kunjung Mengunjung Di Hari Raya

the mosque

on the 1st day of hari raya yesterday, after the raya prayer, we started our eating mode. eat and eat and eat. i didn't eat much at home. my mom made lontong. marvellous! but i tried to contain myself from eating too much because we had a lot of open house to attend to later on that day.

as usual during the 1st day of raya  every year, we did the balik kampung journey. just a 30-40 miniuts drive away from our house. my parent went ahead first.  me and my sis went later around noon. as i said, eat and eat and eat. nasib baik i had reserved spaces in my stomach for extra food intake. 

after a few hours of talking and eating finally the full-ness of my stomach finally sets in. and its time me and my sis got back home. then i slept unconciously until around 11pm (i only slept for 2 hours yesterday) before i woke up and went to my friend's house and lepak there untill 2am. (later watched chelsea play in CL with and unknown club and get a draw. damn!).

basically what i did on the 1st day of raya. nothing much. i just need to go to 1 of a friend's house and that is it. my raya is complete. as i only have these to house to visits during every raya. then i'll just sit home and relax. not as exciting as everyone else's raya maybe. but i'll have to make do of what i have. 

Di Keheningan Pagi Aidilfitri..

1 Syawal 1429H. 

berlalu sudah bulan ramdhan. maka tiba pula aidilfitri. mungkin ramai yang gembira kerana berakhirnya menahan lapar dan dahaga dari terbit fajar sehingga terbenam matahari selama sebulan. berakhirnya penyiksaan perut yang kelaparan seharian (bagi yang tak puasa sama je macam hari lain). tapi ramai juga yang bersedih kerana tamat sudah bulan yang memberi ganjaran berlipat kali ganda dari bulan-bulan yang lain. sedih kerana terasa tak cukup ibadat yang dilaksanakan. tak sempat nak menadah tangan berdoa kepada Illahi memohon keampunan atau memohon restu atau meminta pertolongan kerana terlalu banyak yang ingin disampaikan. 

walau apa pun perasaan masing-masing secara amnya boleh dikatakan kebanyakan orang gembira dengan kehadiran hari lebaran. bulan memohon kemaafan, meminta keampunan. bulan untuk melupakan pertelingkahan atau perselisihan lalu. jika ketika lain kita terasa berat untuk memaafkan, tetapi bila tiba hari raya, ada insan yang boleh berubah rasa. boleh terasa 'yang sudah tu sudah lah'. hati boleh memujuk ' tutup yang lama, buka lembaran baru'. so kalau nak jadi ketidak-puas-hati-an lagi lepas ni, itu lain cerita. yang peting kalau boleh ditamatkan sekarang apa salah nya. kalau bukan dihari mulia ni, bila lagi? so nothing to loose and everything to gain.

aku pun tak nak ketinggalan. aku pun nak memohon maaf. aku pun nak meminta keampunan. terlalu banyak kalau nak buat list. terutama untuk orang-orang yang tersayang dan disayangi. atau yang pernah menyayangi. banyak penyesalan. terlalu banyak yang ingin diungkapkan. tersangat banyak yang ingin diluahkan. 

tahun lepas aku bertakbir di perantauan kerana giliran aku untuk bekerja di hari raya pertama dan kedua. tahun ini aku bersyukur boleh bertakbir di tempat lahir ku. tetapi tahun ini sangat berbeza untuk aku. terasa pelik. ganjil. janggal. maaf, aku tak boleh menceritakan kesemuanya. cukup la sekadar yang Maha Esa mengetahui. 

banyak yang terbayang di kepala aku sekarang. terbayang di suatu ketika dahulu. terima kasih ku ucapkan. terlalu besar untuk dilupakan. terlalu banyak untuk dipalingkan. 

di keheningan pagi aidilfitri ini, dikesempatan ini aku ingin menyusun jari jemari aku memohon keampunan dan kemaafan. kepada rakan taulan mahupun yang tersayang. ke atas segala-galanya. perbuatan dan tutur kata. zahir dan batin. jika masa boleh diputarkan kembali alangkah gembiranya aku. tapi aku sekadar manusia biasa. aku bukan superhero. halalkan makan minum ku. aku redha jika tiada yang ingin memberikan kemaafan kepadaku. tetapi jika ada, aku harap ia datang dari hati yang penuh dengan keikhlasan. kerana aku sememangnya ikhlas memaafkan jika ada yang ingin memohonnya dari ku. 

salam sayang dari ku di hari yang mulia ini. aku menadah tangan memohon doa kepada Allah yang Maha Esa. supaya menghadirkan bahagia kepada semua terutama insan-insan yang ku kenali. dan yang pernah dikenali. yang masih ada mahupun yang telah pergi. perjalanan ku masih jauh dan berliku. 

Selamat Hari Raya. Salam Aidilfitri. 

Maaf zahir & Batin.