i love this song.
Kerispatih - Mengenangmu
Takkan pernah habis air mataku
bila kuingat tentang dirimu
mungkin hanya kau yang tau
mengapa sampai saat ini
kumasih sendiri
adakah disana kau rindu padaku
meski kita kini ada di dunia berbeda
bila masih mungkin
waktu kuputar
kan kutunggu dirimu
Biarlah kusimpan
sampai nanti aku
kan ada disana
tenanglah dirimu dalam kedamaian
ingatlah cintaku
kau tak terlihat lagi
namun cintamu abadi
i wish i could say it to you personally every year. but as you can see that it is not considered possible at the moment. so as usual, i would like to take this opportunity to wish you Happy Birthday!
29 years old eh?.. enjoy it while you can because next year you will be joining the 3 series club!.. hehe.. maybe someday i'll get to meet your lovely son and daughter up close, ok..
really miss having you around.. take care..
it is only 8.55 in the morning and my head is already not in the right state of mind. i can't think straight. my mind wonders.
a colleague just reminded me we have an exam to attend next week.. damn.. i'm still not prepared. (and that was not even the reason). even the easiest of task of data-entry also seems difficult. as i said my mind wonders through space.
just thankful i'm not doing any work that requires me to use my brain extensively. because i really can't concentrate right now.
not good. the last time i was like this it took me a looooong time to recover an a few kilos too.
i thought i can handle it. countless of songs herd, photos stare at, massages read. the effect was minimal. it thought i'm getting ok.
well, suprise surprise!.. i'm wrong again.. and again.. and again.. and again..
i'm just staring at my office's laptop LCD screen. staring blank. while listening to some songs.
i'm getting mad am i?..
these past few days (maybe weeks..) i kept remembering things. about someone.
i don't know. maybe because her birthday is coming up soon kot. and today i have this strong urge to google her name online. i did. i found her.
kena lah pulak at the same time i was listening to some songs through my winamp player and those romantic sad songs being played. pergh.. makan dalam babe. and things get a little bit emo la kan.
it has been like nearly 2 years since. and today i 'saw' her. albeit just a in a social networking site but it was enough to make me all... weak. inside outside.
the song 'mengenangmu' from kerispatih really gets into me. i love this song. the lyric somewhat reflect what i felt. and when i 'saw' her while this song was playing.. i was rendered.. speechless.
i assume that was the latest picture of her. and if it was then she haven't change at all. a very beautiful lady. the same lady that captivated me over 5 years ago..
and never faded ever since..
manusia bodoh.. agree? i certainly do..
this song has been out for a while but a friend of mine sang it in a karaoke session this 1 night and i'm instantly hooked!.. when i read the lyric, it kind of remind me of myself.
forest gump once said "stupid is as stupid does"..
i tried to put the youtube video here but failed la. lupe lak camne nak letak. so you can just click here to watch it.
still can't watch it? copy the address below and paste it to your browser.
Dahulu terasa indah
Tak ingin lupakan
Bermesraan selalu jadi satu kenangan manis
Tiada yang salah
Hanya aku manusia bodoh
Yang biarkan semua ini permainkanku
Berulang ulang kali
Reff :
Mencoba bertahan sekuat hati
Layaknya karang yang dihempas sang ombak
Jalani hidup dalam buai belaka
Serahkan cinta tulus di dalam takdir
Tak ayal tingkah lakumu
Buatku putus asa
Kadang akal sehat ini
Tak cukup membendungnya
Hanya kepedihan
Yang selalu datang menertawakanku
Engkau belahan jiwa
Tega menari indah di atas tangisanku
Bridge :
Semua kisah pasti ada akhir
Yang harus dilalui
Begitu juga akhir kisah ini
Yakinku indah
Tapi sampai kapankah ku harus
Menanggungnya kutukan cinta ini
Bersemayam dalam kalbu
today's work was quite exciting. because i got to go out of the office!.. yeeeahh!.. sronot! sronot!..
where? we went looking APCO Worldwide.. ever heard about them?.. for those who tune to their tv or read the papers they should know. ok guys, let me make it clear. i'm not into politics that much. so we went there solely for the sake of work. nothing else. what ever they did for the government or what ever the opposition don't like about them, i just don't give a foot. i'm not taking sides. ada ngerti?..
anyway, i had a good day *hey, getting the chance to go out is good what*. even not as far as johor like last time but it was good anyway.. i loike!...
hmm.. a very mysterious company indeed..
let me check. today is 27th June 2010.
1..2..3..
wooo.. 5 month and.. 15 days to be exact. since my last post. damn.. giler lame! there are so much to tell. don't know where to start.. again..
a lot has happened. new things experienced. new friends made. feelings felt. new places went to. speaking of which, i just came back from a 4 days course at tanjung surat in johor. what an experience. a beautiful place. beautiful friends. and beautiful moments. moments we cherished for the rest of our life. i felt 'young' again. haha.. and for some people they felt 'single' again.. guys will always be guys ya!..
really miss blogging. this is the only place where i can be my own self. say what i want to say. that said, i will try to not neglect my blog anymore. or at least not for 5 long months!..
so dengan lafaz Bismilah.. dengan ini saya ingin menyatakan.... i'm back!!
so this is it. it actually is going to happen.
honestly right now i don't feel a thing. the excitement was, well, gone... hmm, not totally gone. still got a few excitement here and there but now i got a new 'feel'.. nervousness!!.. still cool though.. hehe..
i'd say the right word probably is.. 'worried'. yup. i can keep my head off of things that awaits me on my first day. damn. is my boss ok? colleagues ? what kind of work i do? can i cope? is it for the better? worse?? am i going to enjoy my new life?.. what will happened next? where do i go after this?.. what where who how which?..
aaaaaaaaaarrrrrggggggghhhhhhh!!!...
i am quite anxious right now. not knowing what will happen really frightens me. oh God!
i pray for today is going to be a good day if not for the best. for today will mark the day that my life is start afresh. ground zero.
make or break, there is no turning back. this is it. this is where it all began.
may Allah always be with me. Amin.
today is the last day of year 2009.
what was my achievement this year? what was the best moment i can share to everybody this year? what have i done actually?.. anything?.. nothing??.. yup. nothing i can say actually about year 2009. put in in a simple word, nothing worthy to say.
my life, for the past 2 years was like the world economy. why do i say that?.. because for the past 2 years things had gone from bad to worse (the americans started it. blame them). a lot of countries was and some still is, in recession. a lot of people become jobless. people said (well, actually, the government said) in 2009 the economy will get better, will improve and everything will be fine.. what a load of bullshit! and crap are all over the place!.. the truth the economy is not getting better. a LOT of people are still jobless. a lot of false hope. a lot of sadness. well, my life was sort of like that. not exactly but more or less similar in concept.
but suddenly. out of nowhere. i saw lights at the end of the tunnel. not much but enough for me believe that hope is not lost, at a time where hope seems to i was stunned and confused myself. but i'm more thankful than ever. i felt bless. i feel a bit shame. because i a bad man. but Allah still helps me even i'm a baaaaad person.
honestly, i can't wait for this year to end and for 2010 to start! a little bit nervous because i don't know what will happen BUT i can't wait to start afresh! starting next year i am like a new born baby.. err.. maybe more like a fresh grad la. more suitable.. =) shit, i'm so nervous and a little afraid la pulak. damn..
i pray to Allah that starting next year, hopefully, everything will be for the better. i mean no more economy downturn. i know there will be ups and downs also but i hope that history would not repeat itself again.
this is it. a new beginning. a new challenge. a new life. a new hope.
i also want to wish everybody a Happy New Year! may Allah bless all of you with happiness.
yes.. "welcome to the club!".. as they always say.. what club?.. some say 3-series club (among friends la mostly).
so without further a due. today. i celebrate my 30th birthday. so that means, i am now, 30 years old!.. hehehe.
gosh, the number has changed.. and coincidentally my life has just begun. fate. maybe. but i am thankful to Allah.
why?
the same question i thought i had left behind suddenly came knocking again. i'm happy but sad at the same time. in 2 days time a good friend will tie the knot and i'm so happy for him. but deep down i will miss him very much.
things will be different of course. we have been friends for 9 years, housemates for 5 year. been together for ups n downs.
i'm just sad. and i felt so lonely. lots of people left me.
yup.. today i'm officially homeless. no.. really.. i AM homeless. means i do not live in a-rented-home-that-i-paid-monthly-anymore home..
after 6 years or so, i finally moved out today. really i didnt feel to much sadness but deep down i do feel somewhat a bit sad. the longest rented house i've lived in since i came to this big city. overall i had lived in 6 houses. this being my longest.
why i dont just rent another house or a room?.. well, something happened and the current situation forbids me to even rent a room. why?.. cant tell right now. we'll see what happens within the next few weeks and maaaybe i'll tell. it all depends..
right this moment i really want to share about the memories i went through. all the good, the bad, the happy or the sad, while i was staying there. everything are passing through my head right now. but, again, maybe not today.
but one thing i want to share today is that i've just noticed that i've become less emotionally attached to.. emm.. things around me.. not sure if its a good or a bad thing.. for instance, my current (or should i say, my ex-current) house. 6 years was not a short span of time. that house was filled with memories that i just could let it go away. a lot of significant events, some even became the turning point of my life, happened while i lived there.. if its the old me, i may have shed a tears already. but the new me prevent it from happening.
i dont know. i sensed that my heart is not as soft as it used to be. the 'love' factor is much less than before. maybe i've become a more harden person that i used to..
really hope that love is not gone. because a heart with no love is like a cake with no sugar in it. sure nobody wants to want it. let alone eat it..
my last entry: 5th october.
today: 29th november.
wow.. it has been a while eh. hmm.. i have my 'assorted' reasons. one of which, of course, ones laziness. there is also the laptop malfunction thingy. then the going-to-cc budget also. yada yada..
so it felt nice to post something after a while hibernating. nearly 2 month absent means a lot of things had happened. but yet again, time and money (especially the later) are my biggest let down right now. maybe not today.
question:
if there was 89 vacancies in a particular government agency while there were 1759 candidates. what was the probability that 1 candidate would secure the job?
answer:
you divide 89 by 1759. then you times 100. so the answer is 5.o6%.
so the probability of that 1 person getting that precious job vacancy is only 5.06%.
wait! that percentage is only valid if.. and only if the interviewer was totally by the book.
naaaah!!.. i don't think so.
so let see.. from that 89, half would probably had been 'reserved'. sedara, adik, kakak, abang, kawan bapak, cucu dato', cicit datin bla bla.. alah, you know what i mean.
so when you calculated the new figure, the new probability would be 2.53%..
2.53% out of 100%..
great.
today is 12th syawal. some people say raya is for a month so its the 12 day of raya lah. for some raya only lasted for a week. it really means "aku dah malas nak hidang kuih ngan air. kite lepak kat kedai mamak je kalau nak minum-minum". understandable.
so how did it go?.. for me, well, slightly different from last year although much or less it was the same. i'm sad and happy.
sad because once again i didn't feel the raya spirit again.. same as last year i have no emotion what so ever when i kissed my parent's hand while asking for forgiveness. no sadness no nothing. hmm, i did felt a bit sad la but no tears flowing. just a sense of guilt of not being a good son.
happy because this year i met a few of my long lost friend! a sort of like 'compensation' for my dull raya. and also for the 1st time in so many years i had other friends visiting other than mr. fareed, my good friend.
shanty pero. nice meeting you. my secondary schoolmate. met her by chance. i was attending my booth at the ramadhan bazar (i'm a temporary salesman selling shoes and shirts.. remember?) and there she was standing in front of me. aku pun tegur la. she was bit suprised (hey, who wouldn't right?).
lost meter: 15 years
constantine, roger laping and a friend if theirs *sorry forgot your name bro*. thank you so much for coming both are my schoolmates.
currently i'm in a very sad mood. because my laptop rosak.
yesterday while i was surfing, suddenly the screen turn blank and it shuts down. i restarted it and the screen still turn out blank..
BLANK!..
the power light was on, the hard disk light was also blinking. so did the wifi and the bluetooth lights. but the damn screen shows nothing. only a blank black screen..
aaaaaaaaarrrrrggghhhhhh!!!
i'm using my sisters's laptop right now.
sigh! :(
felt like my life turns dark too. blank. empty. because i can't live without it. it is my life! went to consult a friend. he said he wasn't sure. but maybe the hard disk rosak...
hard disk rosak?! oh my God..
i don't mind other hardware malfuntioning but NOT the hard disk! i stored a lot of things in there. most of it i don't have any copies. don't mind about other things but my photos and pictures. gosh.. my photo collections. my time machine. my memories. it's priceless. and i may end up losing all of it.. gone..
sad. so sad. i just feel wanna cry right now..
:'(
selamat tinggal Ramadhan. selamat datang Aidilfitri.
tiba masanya untuk bulan ramadhan meninggalkan kita. manakala bulan syawal pula kembali menjelma. sebagai ganjaran Allah meraikan perjuangan, pengorbanan, ketakwaan orang-orang yang beriman dan kepada sesiapa yang sentiasa menurut perintah Nya. entah mengapa aku terasa sedikit sedih. sedih meninggalkan ramadhan yg begitu mulia. mungkin aku risau kan ibadah aku. aku sangat berharap ibadah aku disepanjang bulan ramadhan akan diterima Allah s.w.t. kalau tak banyak sikit pun aku bersyukur.
i love hari raya. but at the same time i hate it too. macam mane pulak tu?.. hmm.. i love the feeling of pagi raya or the 1st day of raya. happiness is everywhere. you can feel it. perasaan tu kita tak boleh gambarkan tapi kita terasa gembira yang lain dari gembira hari biasa. it is just... so different.. i'm sure you know what i mean.
hate? it is because or the memories it brings with it. past through my head like streaming water. so much to remember. so much to bear. can't handle it sometimes. the sweetness. yes. the sweetness is making me sad.
kenangan. kegembiraan lalu membuatkan aku lemah untuk menghadapi aidilfitri. aku kalau boleh tidak mahu mengingatinya. tapi apa kan daya. aku tidak mampu menahan kenangan manis - bukan pahit - yang datang tanpa henti. menusuk terus ke hati. aku juga pasrah dan terpaksa juga mengharungi nya.
pilu. rasa yang menyelubungi aku di pagi raya. ketika takbir berkumandang. entah kenapa irama takbir hari raya sangat memilukan. saban tahun. tahun ini juga tidak ketinggalan. cuma ia semakin menusuk hati ini. membuatkan aku terasa begitu lemah.
kegembiraan. itu yang aku doakan kepada semua orang. menyambut hari raya dengan tawa riang, tiada tangisan. hanya tangisan kegembiraan, tangisan keinsafan dan tangisan memaafkan. itu yang sepatutnya dirasakan setiap insan bukan? mungkin aku salah. dan aku tahu ada juga manusia yang tidak gembira bila di hari raya. tapi aku tetap mendoakan semoga mereka akan merasa juga nikmat gembira di hari raya suatu hari nanti.
kemaafan. itu yang aku harapkan. daripada semua insan yang pernah aku kenali. jika di izinkan, ingin aku cium tangan mereka semua. kecil, besar, tua malah muda sekalipun. aku tidak mengharapkan balasan apa-apa. aku cuma inginkan mereka semua memaafi aku dengan hati yang ikhlas juga. itu sahaja.
di pagi yang mulia ini, aku juga ingin mengambil kesempatan, untuk menghulur tangan dan jari ku memberi salam. meminta keampunan dan kemaafan dari sekalian insan yang mengenali diri ini. tidak kira yang sudah lama atau baru sahaja mengenali aku. sekali lagi aku katakan, ia datang dari dalam lubuk hati yang ikhlas. halalkan makan minum aku. halalkan hutang-hutang aku jika ada yang sudi. tuntutlah dari aku jika aku terlupa.
sememangnya aku juga sedang belajar. belajar untuk memaafi. tiada yang sempurna di dunia ini.
akhir kata, sambutlah salam sayang dari ku di pagi aidilfitri ini.
SELAMAT HARI RAYA. MAAF ZAHIR & BATIN.
i did it this year. completed my terawih every night. well, some nights i did 8. some i did 20. some did 8 first berjemaah then continued the rest at home. a few nights did 20 at home. a few nights i did only 8 at home. including tonight.
because i was so tired. i was very tak larat. but nevertheless managed to terawih after arrived at home at 3am!
today *morning* i have to get up early. help my family first. help my family cleaned up the house or do whatever is necessary. then at around 1pm or 2pm have to go start work again at the bazaar. last day of puasa. konfem ramai org!.. aaarghh!.. gonna be super duper tired. because we have to pack everything and simpan. estimated completion time - 3am!.. aaarrgghh! di pagi raya plak tuh.. :(
Copyright 2009 - Ignorance.Is.Bliss
