Alahai.. Apa Lah Nasib Aku..

currently i'm in a very sad mood. because my laptop rosak.

yesterday while i was surfing, suddenly the screen turn blank and it shuts down. i restarted it and the screen still turn out blank..

BLANK!..

the power light was on, the hard disk light was also blinking. so did the wifi and the bluetooth lights. but the damn screen shows nothing. only a blank black screen..

aaaaaaaaarrrrrggghhhhhh!!!

i'm using my sisters's laptop right now.

sigh! :(

felt like my life turns dark too. blank. empty. because i can't live without it. it is my life! went to consult a friend. he said he wasn't sure. but maybe the hard disk rosak...

hard disk rosak?! oh my God..

i don't mind other hardware malfuntioning but NOT the hard disk! i stored a lot of things in there. most of it i don't have any copies. don't mind about other things but my photos and pictures. gosh.. my photo collections. my time machine. my memories. it's priceless. and i may end up losing all of it.. gone..

sad. so sad. i just feel wanna cry right now..

:'(

Salam Di Pagi Aidilfitri - 1430H/2009

selamat tinggal Ramadhan. selamat datang Aidilfitri.

tiba masanya untuk bulan ramadhan meninggalkan kita. manakala bulan syawal pula kembali menjelma. sebagai ganjaran Allah meraikan perjuangan, pengorbanan, ketakwaan orang-orang yang beriman dan kepada sesiapa yang sentiasa menurut perintah Nya. entah mengapa aku terasa sedikit sedih. sedih meninggalkan ramadhan yg begitu mulia. mungkin aku risau kan ibadah aku. aku sangat berharap ibadah aku disepanjang bulan ramadhan akan diterima Allah s.w.t. kalau tak banyak sikit pun aku bersyukur.

i love hari raya. but at the same time i hate it too. macam mane pulak tu?.. hmm.. i love the feeling of pagi raya or the 1st day of raya. happiness is everywhere. you can feel it. perasaan tu kita tak boleh gambarkan tapi kita terasa gembira yang lain dari gembira hari biasa. it is just... so different.. i'm sure you know what i mean.

hate? it is because or the memories it brings with it. past through my head like streaming water. so much to remember. so much to bear. can't handle it sometimes. the sweetness. yes. the sweetness is making me sad.

kenangan. kegembiraan lalu membuatkan aku lemah untuk menghadapi aidilfitri. aku kalau boleh tidak mahu mengingatinya. tapi apa kan daya. aku tidak mampu menahan kenangan manis - bukan pahit - yang datang tanpa henti. menusuk terus ke hati. aku juga pasrah dan terpaksa juga mengharungi nya.

pilu. rasa yang menyelubungi aku di pagi raya. ketika takbir berkumandang. entah kenapa irama takbir hari raya sangat memilukan. saban tahun. tahun ini juga tidak ketinggalan. cuma ia semakin menusuk hati ini. membuatkan aku terasa begitu lemah.
 
kegembiraan. itu yang aku doakan kepada semua orang. menyambut hari raya dengan tawa riang, tiada tangisan. hanya tangisan kegembiraan, tangisan keinsafan dan tangisan memaafkan. itu yang sepatutnya dirasakan setiap insan bukan? mungkin aku salah. dan aku tahu ada juga manusia yang tidak gembira bila di hari raya. tapi aku tetap mendoakan semoga mereka akan merasa juga nikmat gembira di hari raya suatu hari nanti.

kemaafan. itu yang aku harapkan. daripada semua insan yang pernah aku kenali. jika di izinkan, ingin aku cium tangan mereka semua. kecil, besar, tua malah muda sekalipun. aku tidak mengharapkan balasan apa-apa. aku cuma inginkan mereka semua memaafi aku dengan hati yang ikhlas juga. itu sahaja.

di pagi yang mulia ini, aku juga ingin mengambil kesempatan, untuk menghulur tangan dan jari ku memberi salam. meminta keampunan dan kemaafan dari sekalian insan yang mengenali diri ini. tidak kira yang sudah lama atau baru sahaja mengenali aku. sekali lagi aku katakan, ia datang dari dalam lubuk hati yang ikhlas. halalkan makan minum aku. halalkan hutang-hutang aku jika ada yang sudi. tuntutlah dari aku jika aku terlupa.

sememangnya aku juga sedang belajar. belajar untuk memaafi. tiada yang sempurna di dunia ini.

akhir kata, sambutlah salam sayang dari ku di pagi aidilfitri ini.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA. MAAF ZAHIR & BATIN.

Cukup Seh..

i did it this year. completed my terawih every night. well, some nights i did 8. some i did 20. some did 8 first berjemaah then continued the rest at home. a few nights did 20 at home. a few nights i did only 8 at home. including tonight.

because i was so tired. i was very tak larat. but nevertheless managed to terawih after arrived at home at 3am!

today *morning* i have to get up early. help my family first. help my family cleaned up the house or do whatever is necessary. then at around 1pm or 2pm have to go start work again at the bazaar. last day of puasa. konfem ramai org!.. aaarghh!.. gonna be super duper tired. because we have to pack everything and simpan. estimated completion time - 3am!.. aaarrgghh! di pagi raya plak tuh.. :(

Penat Macam Nak Patah Pinggang

extremely tired!

i was working yesterday.. yup. you herd me right. =) i'm back in kuching and yesterday i started helping with my ipar at the bazaar ramadhan selling shoes n t-shirts. to name a few. i was there at around 11am++ and finished worked around maybe 1am++. that was around 14 hours or work! i have 2 more days here. sigh! i'm a salesman once more.. haha!

i brings back memories while i working at the supermarket days. working from 9.30am until 11pm or 12am. it has been a long time since i felt the same tiredness. extreme tiredness. felt like my hips were dislocated.. =)

just wants to earn extra money and also wanted to feel what it is like to be a bazaar trader. and i got to taste it yesterday. first hand! boy what an experience it was! i enjoyed it every bit. even the tiredness ;)

now i'm back at the one of the stall (they have 2 stalls). my turn to stay on guard for the night. yes, i'm actually sleeping at the bazaar!.. it's gonna be a loooooong day today. and tomorrow.

p/s: still managed to do terawih albeit on my own while i was at home just now to take a few things. including my notebook. hehe.. 1 more terawih night to go!

Puasa Di Selekoh Terakhir

pejam celik.. pejam celik.. aik, 3 more days left to fast!

3 more days and ramadhan is over. gosh.. how time fly. and i'm back to my hometown. home sweet home they say. a place of serene and peace.

so far this years ramadhan i did quite good in the terawih department. yup.. very good actually. i haven't miss a day. either berjemaah or sendirian kat bilik. either 8 or 20 rakaat.. yet.. BUT.. it may come to a halt starting tomorrow. because starting tomorrow i will be helping my in-law selling some stuff at a bazaar. and i may be required to stay for the night a.k.a sleep there.. i was determine to complete it this year. its just gonna be 2 more nights left!..

we will see la how it goes. aku nak jugak!. tak kira! lagi 2 malam ni.. ishk!.. i'll do it at the booth la kot after most of them are asleep. but the manner in which how would i do it remains uncertain. hmm..

i also can't wait to meet my long lost friends. if not everyone, meeting some of them is good enough. can't believe some still remember me even it has been like.. nearly 17 or 18 years since primary school! one other instances, i met *or date. she said date* a new acquaintance only once *a friend of a classmate in maktab* but she still remembers me now. and that meeting *or date* was way back in 1995-96.. she reckon it was the best ever. ya right.. with a few other classmates tagging along.. hahaha.. those were the days.. =)

some of my ex-colleagues during my jusco days -for those who work (group A)- starts their full shift beginning today. for those who are on leave (group B) - starts their holiday today.

it is still fresh in my memory. working full shift - 9:30am-11pm - for 5 days straight (minus the 1st day of raya where we started work at 12pm) while manpower also were depleted in half! sometimes i swipe out at 12am or more if it was my turn to do supermarket closing. it was so tiring.

and it was more tiring in 2007 *my 2nd time working during raya* because i was the ONLY section leader working on that day. luckily there were also six management trainees (5 of them manage other dept. their section leader were on holiday la. mane lagi..) working. plus my line manager and our selling floor assistant manager. *both were non-muslim so they were not in any group*.

really miss those days though. even sometimes the tiredness was unbearable but there were some things we just can't forget. the happy moments in life. wish i could feel it again.

me and ani a.k.a cik rahmaniah. one of my MT's. the other one cuti.

me and maarof. my ex-staff while i was an SL at daily & dairy. photo taken after work near staff entrance.

i have to sleep early because i have to wake up early tomorrow..err..i mean today. but.. i am just not sleepy yet.. ish.. i'm very the dead meat.

09.09.09...Dan Selamat Hari Jadi Mohamad Ridzuan

today is Mohamad Ridzuan Madin's birthday. his birthday also coincide with the special date 9th september 2009 or 09.09.09!

me likey no. 9.. because.. well, it's so obvious.. duh!.. =P

just want to wish him all the best in life and also wish all your dreams come true bro. may Allah bless you always.

last year i had an entry on 08.08.08. this year 09.09.09. and hopefully next year on 10.10.10. why? nothing specific. just don't want to be left out on the a-few-thousand-year-only-happened-once thingy. =)

well, same as last year. this year all the sami's, father's, maybe tok kadi's must be very very busy today. ye la, a lot of people wouldn't want to miss this special date as an anniversary date. i had read in the newspaper *can't remember when* there would be a mass buddhist wedding today somewhere in malaysia.

the chinese believed number 9 has an auspicious meaning. the same goes to number 6 and 8. number 9  is a homophone/homonym of the word for 'longlasting' or 'everlasting'. so as such is often used in wedding. thus the mass wedding taken place today. i read it was like hundreds of couples! it also signifies friendship, love and long lives.

for me. no specific meaning. just love the number because..well, i was born on the 9th.. =)

Sepatutnya Tak Boleh.. Tapi Ada Je?..

yesterday while i was traveling, my mind wonders a bit.

then it hit me.

Rasulullah s.a.w once said:

“Seorang wanita itu dinikahi kerana empat; kerana hartanya, kerana keturunannya, kerana kecantikkannya dan kerana agamanya. Maka hendaklah kamu mengutamakan yang beragama, nescaya kamu berbahagia.” http://hadith.al-islam.com, Sahih Muslim, #2661

then you must've heard the term,

"perempuan baik untuk lelaki baik" and vice versa.

so it's clear then. if you are a bad person you'll get a bad person too la kan.

but.. what if that person is not what he was before? what if he's a change person and he work very hard to be a good person?.. then what?

what happened if this change person is attracted to a good person? and he now realized that the person he attracted to can guide him to be a more better person. especially in the religious side. he believe this person can help him to be a better muslim. so, my question is, can he 'get' that good person?

what i'm trying to say is he's attracted to her, one of the reason is, kerana agamanya.

Nabi suruh cari pasangan kerana agamanya. he found her but the problem is he's not a 'good' person before. so how can a with a bad track record cari pasangan kerana agama because konfem lah tak dapat? yes?

why? because it refers back too the second statement. in another words, it means "perempuan baik BUKAN untuk lelaki tak baik". so a bad person can NOT pick a religiously-savvy couple because even if he wants too.. he just can't have, won't get them.. yes?

but why?..

so what can he do then?..

well, he just pray everyday in the hope that God forgive his sins.. past, present, future..

Rasa Tak Best

why ah? you get this uneasy feeling and it followed you the whole day. this uneasiness is really bugging me the whole day. and it really sucks!

me: the answer is 'socialize'.
people: what the heck?.. what are you talking about?
me: i mean the answer to my uneasiness is 'socialize'.
people: ??..

ok. let me explain. i am a very social person. woo.. hold on there.. not 'that' kind of social. what i meant was i need friends to talk with, hang out, lepak. you know.. socialize. it's like my mojo la. i can't be alone by myself for a certain period of time. i need a dose of laughter, sarcasm, humor, politic, sports, issues or anything la senang. i need my friends. i need a whole bunch of them!

that's the problem. i ain't got a lot.

it has been a few days and its killing me. tried to arrange one today but they couldn't come. dang!
well, i do have my housemate though but i see him almost every day and i'm out of idea on how to make fun of him or pissed him. =P

i am a lively person. with the right bunch of people i am very huru hara. senang cerita, i like to have fun. because it makes me forget. forget what?.. forget a lot of things la.. hish!.. i need to have a good time.

i need it bad!.. aaaargghh!

hmm.. i'm also wondering about someone. how are you today?