Michael Jackson, 'King of Pop,' Is Dead At 50

Michael Jackson, 'King of Pop,' dead at 50 (2nd update)

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Kenapa?

why?

i'm tired la. life is... aaarghhh!

Nak Jumpa Hang Tuah.. Punya Kampung

"hehehehey hang jebahat.."
"lebih baik kau turun.."
"kalau kau tak mo turun.."
"ko tunggu sampai aku datang.."

am going to melaka. can't wait. quite excited. never been there. in the city. attend a friend's wedding.

my parent also will be coming home from umrah today. can't catch them at the airport though. terkilan sket. but a promise has been made. have to keep going with the plan.

a good time to keep my mind off things. wish i could go further. like maybe england, korea or brazil. like my friends did. no, really, they actually went there. but i'll settle for melaka lah.

so melaka, don't you go anywhere. here i come!

Kebetulan Yang Memeritkan

WHY is it when some very significant event happened to me, it seems that nobody is around?

it always happened during which i needed companionship at the most. EVERYTIME!

a friend gone balik jb. the other one are on his way to a friend's wedding in sg. petani. these are the only two people that are 'accessible' to hang out with or just lepaking. but both are not available on the same day when i needed them the most!..

perfect coincidence right?.. yeah.. what a perfect coincidence.

enough said.

Satu lagi Episod Dalam Hidup Ku

the sadness is almost unbearable. i need to talk to some. i'm going crazy. it's already midnight. i need to talk to somebody. who am i going to call in the middle of the night?.. fuck!..

eventually i text my sister. not knowing who's picture i send her she called me back. then hell broke loose again. not my sister, but me..

kesian kakak. she tried her best to console me. she is the best sister ever.

i'm totally out and numb.

at this moment of time. sekarang ni, minit ni, saat ni.. aku really wish i have no feeling what so ever. aku wish aku ni seorang yang langsung takde perasaan. yang tak berperasaan. hati kering. hati keras. call it anything you want. kejam. jadi macam batu kayu besi dinding.

sebab kalau tak jadi macam sekarang ni. sedih, bercelaru, murung, lemah.. segala-galanya ada. aku dah tak boleh gambarkan.

sebenarnya this past week my mood was quite good. sampai aku sendiri terdesar eh, seems like aku happy je. aku tak fikir banyak. tengok final bola. dua-dua game menang. sampai aku kata mungkin Allah nak bagi aku happy. sampai macam tu sekali aku terasa my mood was pretty good. tapi di hati kecil aku bersyukur. dengan menaruh harapan dapat bertahan lama.

rupanya.. aku silap.. lagi..

aku risau kalau tetiba aku terasa happy. i'm really worried when things goes my way! because it seems.. not right. strange but true. and guess what. IT'S TRUE.

dah pukul 3:22 AM. aku nak keluar kejap kot.. hari dah malam. dah nak pagi subuh pun.

ish.. sedih nya aku. macam nana nak bagi hilang ah?.. macam mana?..

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW???!!!

I HATE THIS FUCKING FEELING! FUCKING HATE IT!

Bahaya Jadi Insomnia nih..

i was 2 hours short of NOT sleeping in 24 hours yesterday. still it was a worrying trend. i don't know. i just couldn't sleep!

actually, this was my 3rd time in a little more than 2 weeks i've been like this. the 2nd time i was awake was like for 25 hours. i think it was last monday.

ape dah jadik ngan aku nih?! gosh..

Selamat Hari Gawai 2009

gayu guru gerai nyamai. minum tuak.. mabuk kita.. yey!.. hehe..

i never knew what it meant. the minum tuak thing i just added it myself.

anyway, today is the 1st june 2009 and its gawai dayak day to most of dayak people in sarawak. i nearly forget about it. you know lah kan, unless you are in sarawak or you tune in to rtm, you'll tend to forget that there are two more festive holiday in malaysia. the other one would be pesta keamatan celebrated in sabah.

to all dayak people in malaysia, i wish you selamat hari gawai dayak. iboh minum tuak banyak gilak.. hehe..

have fun and happy holiday!

Chelsea Juara Piala F.A!

F.A CUP FINAL

Wembley Stadium

Chelsea Vs Everton
30th May 2009

Kick-off: 10:00 pm (Malaysian time)


Chelsea FC - 2009 F.A Cup Winners

"we are the champion, my friend.. jeng.. jeng..
and we'll keep on fighting 'till the end.. jeng jeng jeng.."

yup. that song by prince sum it up. chelsea is the F.A Cup champion! wooohooo!


finally. after a few years of absentees in the trophy cabinet department, chelsea achieved something this season. you could say it was just a consolation prize or whatever. but it's better than nothing right (sorry liverfool and assenal fans.. hehe..). i mean if your team is in second place BUT win nothing. i would certainly prefer third placing but won a cup.

drogba heads in the equaliser in the 21st minutes.

strangely i was not that nervous watching the game just now. even when everton's louis saha scored the first goal in just 25 seconds! (an f.a cup record. damn..) maybe because i was confident of chelsea lifting the cup. and maybe chelsea still have 89 minutes to catch up.

lampard's trademark gesture as he scored chelsea's 2nd and winning goal.

i was the ONLY person that wore a chelsea shirt in the restaurant. well, i did have second thought because if chelsea loose then there's no place to hide. but i took my chances and boy did i made the right move. i stayed on watching even when the reataurant was nearly empty just to watch the cup final presentations, from players walking to the main stand to lift the cup until the champange bottle burst on the winner's stage on the field. marvellous!

assistant coach, ray wilkins and guus hiddink were the last man standing indeed.

this final masterpiece also coincides with guus hiddink last game incharge of chelsea fc. we all are going to sorely miss guus dearly. he made a huge impact during his tenure not only to the club and supporters, but also to the whole english premier league. and if i may, to the world of football. you could say he's one of the best football manager in the world. one of the few elite manager that every football club would dream to hire. i would certainly call him 'the special one'.

i can sleep in peace tonight. hehe.. oh wish i was there at the stadium. soaking up the wonderful atmosphere. maybe someday.

Rekod Tak Tidur

i officially didn't sleep for more than 34-35 hours!

i don't know why. i just couldn't sleep. kids.. don't do this at home. or anywhere else for that matter. it's bad for your health.

Mata Masih Boleh Bertahan Ni..

it has been over 24 hours. i haven't sleep for more than 24 hours.

gosh.. i can't remember the last time i kept my eyes open this long.

went out around 8am. went home around 2:15pm. cuci pakaian. lipat pakaian. surfing jap. a bit sleepy la but not much.

it's a bit late to sleep now because if i do i might overshoot and miss the final HOME match. between chelsea and blackburn at stamford bridge at 11pm. also the last home game for guus hiddink as chelsea manager.

i'll try my best to stay awake. but already set my alarm clock incase i overslept.

i can do it!.. hopefully.. hehe..

Selamat Pagi Malaysia!

its 6:16 am. sunday morning. i can't get myself to sleep. it's sunday morning for God sake! people wake up late today.

i did try. well i'll just have to stay awake then. good morning everybody.

for those who are still having a beautiful dream right now, i wish your dream will come true. but for those having bad dreams, don't worry. it was just a dream. when you wake up, you'll soon realize everything was just the devil's act.

good morning again to all. just remember, loving and being loved is... all bullshit!! hahaha... just kidding. :-)

Mimpi Mainan Tidur

i had a dream yesterday. and still remember it quite well.

ironically just a few days back i read a q&a article about a dream this fellow had. the answer he get was:

"Mimpi adalah permainan tidur. Kebanyakan daripada mimpi ini berlaku hasil daripada khayalan, imaginasi manusia tentang sesuatu hal dan gambaran yang terdapat padanya sesuatu yang amat diingini atau ditakutinya... Jarang sangat yang berlaku dalam mimpi itu mewakili yang sah ataupun yang sebenar.
...Mimpi-mimpi yang benar ini adalah suatu yang amat jarang berlaku. Kadang-kadangnya dilihat sebagai benar, tetapi jika diteliti sebenarnya ia tidak."

the statement was by dato' dr. haron din.

maybe because of the unexpected message i received last week and all those memories rushing through my head like a waterfall.

thus, maybe the unexpected dream of her was some sort of a continuity of event triggered by something unexpected that maybe would last for some unspecified time. even when we thought a few days has gone by and we should be ok. oh how wrong i am.

i really hate dreams that connects you with your past. in my situation it makes me sadder. because it gives you false feelings.

dreams felt like somewhat real aren't they? i would rather not dream during my sleep. i want an 'empty' sleep. i sleep and then i wake up. nothing in between.

because even a so called happy dreams can make you suffer. suffering equals pain. pain equals sadness.

like dato' haron din said, dreams are rarely the truth. sometimes it felt like the real thing, but when we look closely, it actualy were not.

Nama Pengadil Bongok

his name is TOM HENNING OVREBO. from norway.

this referee was a joke and a thief (spot on bosingwa). but i doubt it. he was no where near a petty thief. he was more like a robber!

i think he should got his ass kicked! damn u ovrebo.. you robbed me and all my fellow chelsea supporters a chance to watch our beloved team lifting the champions league cup!

felt want to smashed your bold head with my hot iron. let it stick on your head and feel the pain we all supporters have to endure. maybe for the rest of our lives.

for all chelsea supporters. remember that name and face. if somehow any of you came across him anywhere, you give him a solid big punch on the face and send my regards to him for being such a stupid fuck.

to mr tom fuck-ing ovrebo.. you called yourself a referee? it really eludes my sane mind that someone as useless incompetent dimwit crazy ass fuck like you could possibly be a uefa referee. let alone refereeing one very very important big game like err lets say, a champions league semi final match?!

you are a joke, a robber and a disgrace to football. you should be banned for life from football. or better yet, you should be banned from EVER touching even a ball!

bongok!

Lagi 2 Minit Je!.. Aaaaaarrgghh!!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrgghhhhhhhh!!!!!!

so near but yet so far. shiiiiiiiiit.. chelsea was out of champion league final. they were leading 1-0 and suddenly iniesta scored the decisive goal and made it 1-1 for barca to get through to the final in rome because of the away goal rule.

i am so frustrated right now. this is one of those days. it was not meant to be. i mean 2 more minutes!.. 2 fucking minutes!.. felt like want to cry la.. waaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

amazing isn't it?... it was just football and the club is not even domestic. but when you like.. err, let me correct myself.. when you LOVE something, doesn't matter what it is or where it came from, it really gets in to you. and you gets in to them.

this is what love can do to you. it can make you fell like heaven and it also can rip your heart apart, stab it repeatedly over and over and over and over with a dagger, then crush it with your feet, jump on it up and down until it become itsy-bitsy tiny pieces finally burn it until it turns to ashes.

aku sedih nie. kecewa.. aku frust la!...

am i dreaming?.. no?.. is this for real? chelsea is not going to the final? say it isn't real!.. say it!!

i have to wait for another year ke?.. betul ke?!.. lame tu. betul ke?..

tidak.. ttiiiiiiiiiiiiiiddaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Selamat Hari Buruh (Selamat Duit Aku.. Hehe..)

first and foremost, i would like to wish all labourer or working people in malaysia a merry happy labour day. it was yesterday so a bit late wishing you all.. sorry eh..

for those who are eligible to pay the income tax, congratulations for executing your responsibilities. you make your country and countrymen (and women) proud! because you people help maintain to keep the road of smaller holes, keep half the street lights bright and ofcourse the green coloured light from the traffic light still working.

and for those who forgot or make-make forgot.. err.. emm.. err.. just pray a lot la, ok.
hey.. i heard prison food not so bad what..

so why was my duit selamat yesterday?.. haaaaaa.... pada suatu petang. dalam perjalanan pulang dari jusco, wa dengan konfiden nye menunggang motor otomatik wa tanpa rasa gundah gulana.

buuuutt.. setelah sampai di suatu simpang dan wa ingin membelok ke kiri, wa dapati trafik telah jem. wa pun terfikir sejenak, "tak kan rodblok kot?"... sebab tak pernah ade rodblok time petang-petang kat lokasi tuh. mesti eksiden nih..

anyway.. jeng jeng jeng.. tetibe wa rase gundah gulana la plak. wa pun berenti parking kat tepi divider dan dengan segera cek rodtax wa (still tak tau rodblok ke eksiden). aaarrgghh!.. roadtax nowhere to be found.. fuck!

make a call to farid. konfem! die lupe nak bagi balik. damn!

so wa maju kan ke depan tengok pesal jem?.. konfem! rodblok JPJ.. whatta fuck!

ape lagi, wa pusing my motor atomatik patah balik ikut walkway tuh guna jalan belakang plak. setelah ikut jalan yang paling jauh dan siap macam penjenayah tengok line clear ke tak, wa berjaya sampai rumah dengan jayanye.. yey!

so wa terpakse tunggu farid balik dari kampung (yup, farid ada kat kampung nye kat nogori sombilan dengan rodtax wa). esok baru balik.

as for the time being naik bas la if want to go far-far.. shit!

still, syukur wa ke hadrat Illahi. selamat duit wa bayar saman.

Lahirnya Seorang Puteri

23 april. my mom messaged me at 00:35.

it was a baby girl! well, actually they knew it already. that's the beauty of technology. no element of surprise though.

kak ayu did a cesarean. this time the baby was in good health. infact she is quite heavy. i think around 3.3kg. aish was only 1.7kg but he's premature at that time.

so, now complete lah sepasang. a boy and a girl. i called kak ayu yesterday and she was fine. maybe she will be discharge tomorrow. still no name yet. my sis still working on it.

anyway, congratulations to my sis for her new born baby girl. siap la ko aish, you had your time and it is up. time to manjakan your little sis plak. muahaha..

to baby girl, welcome to the world. make your parent proud of you. don't let them down. i will always pray for your success. make no mistake, this world can be harsh. but i believe you are up to the challenge that awaits you.

hope to see you soon girl!

No. 26

do you know what this is?

ok. let me tell you. this was a jersey CLAIMED to be terry's. sounds like a bull right?.. well, i still can't believe it myself but maybe it's true.

so how in the hell did a jersey so precious (for all chelsea's kipas susah mati) ended up in a friend's house?

the story goes that my friend's housemate (also a chelsea fan) got it during the chelsea tour last year (i also went there too, click the chelsea fc asia tour tag) when terry throw his jersey to the crowd. so basically he was at the right place at the right time.

i just couldn't believe it! so if it was true, than i had officially touch (albeit not wearing it even i wanted to so badly) a real chelsea jersey that the captain wore during a match that i watched!

i mean, it meant a lot for a kipas susah mati like me tau. (alah.. all you jerks out there would also did or said the same thing if it's your team's shirt.. ngaku je lah..)

daaammnn!! dengki aku.. siot ar!.. i want that jersey! aaaarrrgghh!!

thinking of kidnapping it la.. hmm..

"4 Missed Call"

i have been staring at the screen for like eternity, thinking of what are the right words to start this post. and still don't have a clue.

i feel like writing something. i want to write something. i just don't know how to start.

today i felt quite sad actually. partly because i didn't answer a phone call. the irony was that i've been waiting haplessly for it and when it did finally rang, i was unaware of the blaring loud ringtone because i was in a deep fucking 'death' sleep (directly translated from tido mati). fuck! - that is what happen when you just starting to sleep during a time when other people are busy going to work.

the moment i woke up (and saw the missed call) my mood was nowhere to be found. so i started the day with the feeling of.. sadness.

only at somewhere around 5.30pm did i realize that i need to go out from my house. because i'm getting depressed.

i did some lepaking at kepong. managed to socialized with a few friends. clearing my mind of a few things.. for a while. when they started to go home around 8pm, well i should do the same.

on the way, thinking i don't want to pray in a rush i decided to stop by the mosque. i always admire the new kepong mosque. it is so modern and beautiful.

and one thing about praying in a mosque is that the state of calmness you are in. it's so different with praying alone at the comfort of our room everyday.

after prayer i decided to stay for the Yasin recitation. considering tonight was malam jumaat. week in week out i had been reciting it alone in my room, so i guess maybe i need a little change once in a while.

and boy we could really feel the difference doesn't it? the atmosphere, circumstances, mood, situation makes us more calm, serene, down to earth. i think the right word is more "kusyuk".

the imam said doing jemaah or reciting in groups is always better than doing alone. also the chances of our doa being heard are higher than doing it alone. maybe its kind of a teamwork thing. well, you know the concept. don't need to explain in details.

it is really hard when we really miss something or someone. it really gets into you that sometime hopeless is like a best friend, depress is your food and you drink tears. damn!

i asked a lot from God just now (and everyday infact). family, myself, someone. maybe mine were the least listen to but who know. maybe.. just maybe.

i went back home after isyak. still feeling down but better than earlier. so to speak.

i logged on at around after 9pm just now and now its already 1.42am. took more than 4 hours just thinking of what to write. countless minutes of walking around and to many poison smoke inhaled already (i lost count).

hmm.. i think i should sign off for tonight. my eyes are getting tired and sore watching at the screen.

-02:04am-

yours truthfully,

Ulang Tahun Perkahwinan Mak Ayah

years of marriage: 33 years.

this is no april fool. you fool.. hehe.. the marriage was fortunately and definitely true. it was not a hoax. i repeat.. not a hoax.

this is what we called love. it has been that long. why 1st of april? maybe a lot of people wonder. why this date?

well, maybe the date was convenient to them at that time. not sure. but i mean who cares. it's not our culture anyway. only fools celebrate april fool.. haha.. err.. no offense.

i called my father. i asked him what is your secret? he said " kalau salah say sorry". futhermore he said:

" selalu selawat. low profile and selalu usaha.".

he gave me some more advised about work or, more like, his experince in his early working days.

"ambik je mana-mana kerja. jadi security pun tak apa."

"dulu bapak jadi waiter. woih, teruk kerja tu. 24 hours.. shift.." etc etc..(he said something more. i can't remember)

it just shows me that i don't have to look far for an inspiration. an example of hardship, sacrife and the most inportant of all, the will to live.

happy anniversary mom & dad. i wish you all the happiness and hope that your love for each other will always stay strong. even untill the end of time.

may God bless both of you. Amin.

Suasana Majlis Pertunangan Ajak & Linda

finally ajak gave me his engagement photos the other day upon my request. so here they are.

photo session with mom, dad, dad-in-law, mom-in-law, son, daughter, brother-in-law and menantu(s)..

linda and bakal mother-in-law. kontrol nerves..

hantaran dari ajak and the geng.

hantaran dari linda and co.

according from the chief of police, the situation during the ceremony was under control. as above photo evidence suggest it, no outwards incident happened. except for minor trouble by ajak's nephew and niece but nothing serious. overall everything was going smoothly. - reuters