Penghujung Ramadhan, Merindui Ketenangan

today is the last day of the holly month of ramadhan. muslims around the world will fast and did the terawih prayer for the last time this year. time fly us by without us realised it. by tomorow a celebration will begin. 

i will begin my journey back to my home town. oh how i miss it so much. i need this break. i need something to ease my mind. something that could rejuvinate me. something where i could just relax and be myself. 

when the going gets taugh, sometimes we need a place to cool down. and no other place is better then a place we call home. no clients, no customers, no work, no deadline, no targets, no budgets, no tension, no frustration, no tiredness, or everything that we can relate to work. just the sofa, the food, the laptop and the astro. and the live football. 

honestly saying i think this ramadhan is the best yet for me since i arrived here. not in terms of my life or the fasting itself but in things like prayers. the 5-times-a-day prayer or terawih prayer or the doa i had been asking from God. i didn't say that i did every prayer everyday. well, there were still some 'holes' here and there. but at least i did better than last year. especially in the terawih section. maybe to some people i'm just a lousy muslim. but i'm proud of myself. maybe it is just a very small step. but a very meaningful one. this time around, i also berdoa a lot to God. i'm the one that people call 'sudah terhantuk'. the wound is big and it was bleeding profusely. hopefully it was for the better.

but make no mistake. this ramadhan is definitely the toughest one to date in terms of my personal life. only God and a few person knows what i'm talking about. 

today around noon, i will start my journey back home. hopefully i will arrive early at the airport because today is the last day of ramadhan and the balik kampung exodus are definitely not over yet. it's far from over. and hopefully (again) my trip would not be hit with any serious snag along the way. 

i do really mention a lot, words like hope and journey didn't i? well, that is what i need and my life right now. a journey full of hopes. that is the only few things i have left now. 

i'll be coming home soon. goodbye ramadhan. i'll sure miss you so much.

Memohon Keampunan

sometime you've got to do what you really have to do. even if it kills you. even if you don't want to. but you need to. because if you are not doing it, it will haunt you for the rest of your life.

your hands were trembling. you can't think straight. you can't breath properly. you nearly had a nervous breakdown. you can't even focus on your driving. but still you went on. because maybe this is the only chance. the timing was right and the time has come. either now or never. you chose now.

sometimes it is a bit strange that someone with the weakest of heart can do things that they can't or shouldn't do. maybe it was some act of desperation or maybe it was just necessary to make a statement to say that what they have build for years shouldn't be thrown out of the window. you can't change what had happened but you sincerely hope that things wont change too drastically. yes you can't hide the fact that it will not be the same anymore. ever. it will never be the same because the damage is done.

but you feel you have to make a point that even if you had lost everything, they shouldn't lost it too. they are not the one that should suffer too. guilty of everything was what was in your mind along the way. let the blame falls on you. not them. they are perfectly innocent. guilty again. almost every moment you thought of things that you can do to turn it all around. things that wont involve them.

but every time you think hard to want to patch things up, you ended being more hopeless, weaker, excruciating pain, sadder and finally you arrived to the point of mental breakdown. or in other words.. crazy. yes crazy. the threat is very real. VERY REAL. only the thought of your family and the believe in God prevent it from happening. for now. lets just hope your mind will hold on for as long as it could. hold on for its dear life. because if you mind fails, then life has no meaning anymore. you don't want it to happen. ever.

you love everyone. even if they are not officially connected to you anymore but there is still a bond that link them to you. you love all of them so much. you would do anything to take all this problems far far away from them.

pakcik and makcik. forgiveness he seek. and there will always be love in his heart.

Stoke City 0 - 2 Chelsea

get away from me: bosingwa was mobbed by team mates after scoring the goal.

stoke city was no match to the mighty chelsea as the blues romp to a 2 - 0 victory against the premier league newcomer. need me to say more. a win again. well....

Masih Kerja

i'm still working on monday. the feeling is excruciating! i'm already in festive mood right. so i think monday will be an acting day or hypocrite day. well depends. 

i can't wait to get back home. a place of serinity. a place of comfort and relaxation. in other words, heaven on earth for me. 

my boring days are just starting to take affect. starting today, either some people start to work full shift or they starts their journey balik kampung. hate being alone. but what to do. 

Portsmouth 0 - 4 Chelsea

easy beb: lampard scored from the penalty spot.

why was it so easy for chlesea to score 4 goals every time they met portsmouth? hmm.. maybe chelsea is too good. ops.. my bad. chelsea IS too good. case closed. courtesy of 2 from lampard and 1 each from molouda and kalou. i didn't watch this game. nevetheless a win is very satisfying. a beating is very very satisfying. hehe..

Kenyang Di Marche

-some of the evidence on display-

delicious. one word that sums it all. damn tasty! i went to berbuka puasa at marche. courtesy  of an angel. thank you darling. this time around i get to EAT there. not merely a guest of the guests. i get to taste all the delicious delicacies offered that night. it was simply marvelous. my taste buds cant even have the time to breath, if it has a nose. 

unfortunately i'm not worth the money if someone wants to treat me a buffet. because i'm not what i was 1 or 2 years back. but if someone insist, then rezeki jangan di tolak. of all the dishes, my favourite was the oyster. God it tasted so good i don't even know how to describe it. but i just manage to take the last 2. damn! 

i don't even remember when was the last time i really enjoy eating. this is not the place where we can go often you know. worth every cents. maybe someday i could bring my family here. someday.

Suku Ramadhan Lagi

without we realize it, there is 1 more week to go before this holy month ends. how time fly by so fast. and i also realized that things are going to get pretty though really soon. i've been preparing for it this whole month. though for me. or so i thought.

i have plans after raya. yup. plans. for my future. at least economically. when i pray, i prayed to God that i would succeed at least in some area of my life. anything. the good one ofcourse. the things that makes everyone proud of me. it is hard when we do something without support. hopefully i'll get one when the 'plan' should materialize. maybe some people can do things on their own. but i can't. especially when the going gets tough. i need short distance support. i mean someone that i can trust, standing in front of me, pat me in the back, giving his/her never ending support. i can do with long distance i.e my family but they are too far away. i can't do it alone. phetetic isn't it. but that is me. sorry.

i really hope that something "betul-betul jadi'. not merely a thought or a plan or just a short term eagerness. but it all depends. i need to do some research before anything sets off. i need everyone's prayer. pray that something good will eventually happen in my life.

Amin.

Sabar Menunggu Hujan Reda

life. it seems it's not getting better any sooner. it is still a long and tumulus journey ahead. sometimes things gets unexpectedly not-so-good when it should be for the better. especially that involve family matters. this is not what we want, particularly in the later part of our life. matters that could break the bond the once was so closely intact. this is a new challenge life present upon me. gosh, sometimes i could only shake my head in disbelief. but believe it. and it 'ain't' just going to 'disappear' with a clap. when i received the message, it was saddening. mix feelings came right through my skull. sad, unhappy, awkward, bitter. but mostly.. afraid. 

and if this -suppose to be-our last shelter from the cruel world out there to take cover to find peace and solace and support but its down in crumbles, then where else are we going to hang on to? i pray to God that it will be over soon. thing would get better. for at least within the vicinity of our close knit-ness. we only have ourselves to rely on, for the best or worst, ups and downs. God, please help us.

Chelsea 1 - 1 Manchester United

on target: kalou heads the ball for the equalizer.

its a hard match. thankfully chelsea handled it well and they manage to keep the record intact. 85 games unbeaten at home ground. impresive eh.. thanks to salomon kalou's goal, chelsea salvage a draw with a hard fought match at stamford bridge. the never-say-die attitude certainly helps in securing the crucial goal while man utd was leading in the 1st half.

relief: ashley was certainly thankful to kalou for the goal.

from the moment park ji-sung's scored, i was like "oh shit, please not at stamford bridge!". i can't sit still. worried like hell man! nevertheless, i kept watching and keep hoping that chelsea would not loose this game. and they didn't! what a relief. if not for the injury deco sustained during warmed-up just before the game, i think chelsea would win this game. ;-) as for ronaldo? you suck! no, really..

Selamat Hari Jadi Mohamad Adam Haris

"ish.. bila nak potong kek ni?"

today is sunday, 21 september 2008. and today is my nephew's 2nd birthday. happy birthday dear. i pray that someday you'll grow up and be succesful in everything you do (goog things ok). i hope you'll make your parent and family proud of yourself. in your education, career and life Amin.

"hepi besday to me! yey!"

yesterday kak ayu and family did a doa selamat for her new house. so they officialy moved in to their new home. and also did an early birthday party for their son. may parent and kak har gave haris a bicycle (actually a tricycle)  as a birthday present. my mom cslled and told me that he was so happy with his new bike, no one can even touch it. let alone ride it. kejap je tu.

"yes.. boleh beli jajan sendiri pas nih.."

now its my turn to give him a present. benn thingking for it the whole week. i'm bad at buying presents. i have a few things in mind. we'll see which one is suitable and i can afford.. hehe..

happy 2nd birthday adam haris. love you bro.

Pemandu Teksi Malaysia Paling Teruk Di Dunia

something just caught my eyes just now. frankly i couldn't agree more! and for the whole world to acknowlege it.. shame on us.. read on.

Malaysia's "Worst In The World" Taxis Tarnish National Image

The ads promoting "Malaysia: Truly Asia" aim to welcome visitors with a warm smile to a prosperous and modern nation, so the taxi fleet branded "the worst in the world" can come as a bit of a shock.

Even the locals are not spared the shabby service of unkempt and hostile drivers behind the wheels of decrepit vehicles who refuse to use the meter, overcharge and pick-and-choose which destinations they will travel to.

At the popular KLCC mall under Kuala Lumpur's iconic Petronas Twin Towers is a typical scene, as a gang of cabbies negotiate with a young Norwegian couple just metres from a signboard warning against "taxi touts".

"Flat rate, flat rate, no metre," one driver insists as the tourists try to find a cab to take them to their hotel, less than two kilometres (1.2 miles) away.

Anxious to escape the baking heat, they agree to pay 25 ringgit (7.22 dollars) for a trip that would have cost less than three ringgit on the meter.

"Is it expensive? We don't know, we thought it is normal here," said the woman as they piled in with their shopping bags.

More frequent visitors, however, are vocal in their criticism and say that aggressive and unprofessional drivers are tarnishing the nation's image as a squeaky clean and hospitable destination.

"I first visited Malaysia in 2006 and I was impressed by everything I saw except for the worst taxi service I have endured," said Kabir Dali, an Indian tourist waiting in vain for a metered taxi at another mall.

"I paid a whopping 260 ringgit (74 dollars) from the Kuala Lumpur International Airport to town and was later told that was twice the proper amount."

Complaints about taxis are common in many countries, but in Malaysia it has escalated to an outpouring of frustration, on blog sites and in letters to newspapers.

In a survey by the local magazine The Expat, some 200 foreigners from 30 countries rated Malaysia the worst among 23 countries in terms of taxi quality, courtesy, availability and expertise.

The respondents lashed the fleet as "a source of national shame" and "a serious threat to tourists -- rude bullies and extortionists".

Salvation is in sight though, as a number of smaller, up-scale operators enter the market to provide a more expensive but quality taxi service for frustrated visitors and locals.

The uniformed drivers, behind the wheels of smart new multi-purpose vehicles and sedans, switch on the meter as a matter of course and do not refuse destinations -- surprising and delighting commuters in the capital.

Abdul Razak, operations manager for Dubai-based Citicab which launched here in January, said that even in poorer nations such as Thailand and Indonesia, taxis are smarter and the drivers far more courteous.

"I would say it is the worst in this region, undoubtedly. I have travelled to all countries in this region and our company operates taxis in many parts of the world. The situation here is the worst I have seen," he told AFP.

"The vehicles are in shabby condition, the driver will take you if he likes your face -- that is, if he agrees with where you want to go for the price he insists on."

The government has called on taxi firms to lift their standards, but various campaigns have achieved little, and many blame the lack of enforcement on rampant corruption in the police and bureaucracy.

"It is difficult for the roads and traffic department to take stern action," said a security officer at one city mall as he watched the touts swoop.

"Taxi operators and the company which hold the licences are all linked to some politician or another," he said. "Drivers here are ruthless because they are unchecked by authorities who are almost non-existent."

John Koldowski, from the Pacific Asia Travel Association, said that "less than desirable" taxi drivers have an outsize impact on a nation's image.

"The first contact a tourist gets with locals is often during airport transits to hotels and it creates a very, very strong first impression, either be good or bad," he said.

"Authorities certainly need to do their jobs and act upon any complaints strongly, quickly and visibly." 

http://news.my.msn.com/regional/article.aspx?cp-documentid=1682892

 

Chelsea 4 - 0 Bordeaux

bordeaux what? is it a new type of vegetable. its sounds more like 'bodohx' to me.. hehehe..

unfortunately is harder for non-french speaking people to pronounce this football club's name compared to the the soft defence they had that night. 

yet again, 1st game for CL 2008, 4-0. 1st game in EPL, also 4-0. so the great run continues i suppose. the best possible start for Chelsea in so many years in Chelsea's CL history was realized with the trouncing of bordeaux last last night. i mean 4-0 man! damn i couldn't watch that game because no mamak was screening the match that night. lampard, joe cole (seen on the pic heading the 2nd goal), malouda and anelka, all had a hand on the score sheet. 

utterly brilliant! i hope that this kind of brilliant performance will bring Chelsea to glory in this competition. they still have a long way to go but with  the looks of it Chelsea will definitely be one step better come the last day of CL 2008. with strong will and a bit of luck i'll see u lads in the final. or perhaps, lifting the precious cup. 

Chelsea is the great!! 

blue is the colour! 

blue is the colour!

Manchester City 1 - 3 Chelsea

,

this is easy: lampard kickin' chelsea's 2nd goal.

robinho who? it seems that chelsea won't moan too much about missing out on robinho during the end of the transfer window. well, maybe manchester city is probably one of the richest football club in this planet but in terms of the most feared one? i certainly don't think so. maybe not this season. you need to learn 1st boy.

i mean, come on. you are up against chelsea we're talking here. not some shitty-waiting-for-relegation club. you may had scored 1st, no thanks to your last-minute record-breaking-british-transfer player, the talented mr. robinho. but in the end chelski's army shows its true colours. blasting 3 goal past your halpless keeper. don't mess with the Chelsea.. hehe.. carvalho, lampard and anelka. you are the best bro. infact the whole team stick together even though they're 1 goal down.

tonight (at 2pm local malaysian time) chelsea will host bordeaux in their 1st champions league group game. well guys, give them the beating they won't forget! i'm still thinking whether i want to watch this game or not. maybe only the 1st half. hmm, tengoklah macam mana. anyway, wish you all the best.

chelsea! chelsea!

Nak Tukar Paparan

i think there is something wrong with this template i'm using now. i still don't know how to adjust it. oh hell, i think i'm going to change a new one. so, behold!

Jejak Kasih Di Marche

 

it's a small world after all. last saturday, 13 sept, i went to a gathering at marche. totally unexpected. maybe this is a way of God want me to be happy for a while. i truly was. out of the blue i was at a re-union of sort. a get-together of a few members of class 5A. 

1st half: some of the 'stuffed' patron waiting for the 2nd round.

as i mentioned in my earlier post, 1 thing led to another and there i was. albeit not exactly joining them for break fasting (for reasons i also mentioned earlier). but they manage to 'smuggle' me inside and i stayed there for about 1 hour! (the management let me in for 10 minuts only).. hehe.. what a joke. 

fara: hey look at the camera.. others: brruupp..

fara, jod, neena, jafrul, shaf, chipon, fizrai, lemeng and myself were all happy to see each other. most were surprised of seeing me in kl. they thought i was in kch. when i said i'd been here for lots of years they said when so quiet? i really don't have an answer to that. sorry guys. my bad. 

the 3 dudess: guess who's the married lady? hmmm..

out of 9 people there, surprisingly (or maybe not), only 1 person already married. the others, well, eligible bachelor and bachelorette. so i'm not alone. maybe because of the 'singleness' that makes it easier for them to attend the gathering. there are others that are working in kl too. either they couldn't come because the didn't know or too busy or time constrain or family constrain or whatever. just that i'm lucky to be there that night. 

grrr!!: how do i look? scary o not?

rock star & the playa: i do the the gig and you handle the groupies.. set!

jaf: lemeng ni bakal jadik rock star. 

neena: oooo...

rai: hampeh. aku pun nak gak groupies.

fara: ya Tuhan. slamatkan lah rakan-rakan ku ini.

shaf: baik aku jadi assistant rock star. dapat tempias glamer pun ok lah.

control kachis: everybody in a kontrol hensem/ayu mode.

those who attended has a good and stable career now. a senior exec at bank negara, an asst manager at telekom malaysia (part time rock star), a lecturer at universiti malaya, a trainer at institut latihan perindustrian, a teacher, a gov servant, one work in his father's company and one work in a private company. jealousy creep inside a little bit. not in a bad way, in a good way. i mean, all are going up in their life. maybe not in their personal life but at least they have their career to look upon to. wish i could be the same.

my friends. priceless.

all in all i'm happy that night. happy to finally met my friends again. happy to be there. happy to go down memory lane again. wish there could be more of my classmates that could join us that night. maybe next time. if there is anymore plans on doing this kind of gathering again, count me in. i'll be the 1st to volunteer.. hehe.. good friends are exceptionally.. priceless. 

Tiket Kapal

you know how much i spend today? for my flight back home for raya? i mentioned nearly RM600 right. but guess what.. i'm wrong. now, officially, it cost me more than Rm600! daaaaaaaammmmmmnnnn!!!!!

i don't have a choice. it's the cheapest i can get that coincide with my leave. huhu.. why everything must be damn expensive nowdays? even the so called budget airline is not so cheap anymore. well it's cheaper than other airlines that is much much more fucking expensive. but by my standard the price i paid was considered expensive now even actually it should be considered cheaper by the current economy standard.

what the hell am i talking about?.. i'm almost broke! that's my point.

Sahabat & Keluarga

yesterday i made a discovery. today some of them replied to me. yes. my long lost friends. my dear friends during my good old school yesteryear. i do miss them. it's been a long long time. too damn long actually. not to my surprise, most of the are married and most of them, too, already have a kid (maybe kids) but definitely there's a newborn somewhere in between.

i'm happy for all of them. married, wife, children, family, careers. life. that's what i call life. that is what human are supposed to have. a life of their own. i'm just waiting mine. will it ever come? i can't be sure. i'll just to wait. hopefully not my whole life.

i sms 1 long lost friend just now and she said some of them are having a buka puasa at the curve tomorrow. but the catch is, it is a buffet and it will cost me RM55. damn expensive! well, i told her that maybe i'll meet them AFTER buka puasa. hehe.. sorry guys. that price is out of the question because its raya time and i need a lot of money for balik raya and it would cost me nearly RM600 for my flight ticket alone! excluding transportation cost, meal, lepak and jalan-jalan. i'm sooo broke dude..

just wish i have a lot of money right now. 

lots and lots of money. 

tonnes of it.

aaaaaaarrrggggghhhh!!!

Selamat Hari Jadi Mohamad Ridzuan

 

toyol: sorry wan. no latest pic of you lah. this 1 i think was around a few years back.

yesterday, 9 sept 2008,  was mohamad ridzuan's birthday. i'm gonna take this opportunity to wish him all the best in life. may all your dreams come true bro. congrats for the upgrading success. so i'm waiting for the celebration. ajak.. you too beb.. both of you!

Raja Spelet

i received a call from a long lost friend today and he asked me to break fast together at klcc. first i thought, at 6pm, going to klcc is like going through hell. because its friday and its raining and its fasting month. but then i thought, well what the hell. i'm not doing anything anyway back home and i have'nt seen him in quite a while. so i braved the rain and the horrible trafic jam just to meet him. he was one of the 'crazy' friend i have. so its a pleasure to finally meet him again.

he was with a 'companion' today. so the 3 of us break our fast at a foodcourt and chatted ourselves to catch on what's been missing since we last met. same 'ol dude. good 'ol down memory lane. after dinner i went about somewhere before i reached home at 11pm. tired but satisfied that i filled my time with something. 

i'm preparing myself for tomorrow. hope all went well.

Adam Haris - Update

 

"pasni kat luar plak..": haris was seen sweeping at his new home

this is the latest pic of my beloved nephew in action at his new home. grown-up so fast eh. he'll be moving to his new home soon. sad. we'll miss him so much. don't forget to visit yaie and nyaie once in a while,k. miss you so much.

Basah Kuyup

it was raining heavily and i'm soaking wet! i don't mind if my clothes are soaking wet. but my shoes? aargh! i only have 1 pairs of working shoes and it was soaking wet. 

i was on my way back home from buying my buka puasa meal when suddenly the rain pours heavily. and i didn't bring my slippers. i'm still pondering how am i going to work tomorrow with a wet shoes. one of those unlucky days.

Chelsea 1 - 1 Tottenham

what a pity. Chelsea would've win this match if not for the lucky goal spurs scored. damn. lady luck was not on our side. but on spurs side! well, what to do. the ball is round. anyway but i shouldn't be to dejected because its just the beginning of the season. there are more games to play. so chaiyyok Chelsea!!

blue is the colour!

blue is the colour!

anyway, thanks to belletti's goal (pics). if not we're in deep shit.

Ramadhan Al Mubarak 1429 Hijrah

f4iqun.wordpress.com

hari ini 1 Ramadhan 1429.

bulan Ramadhan kembali semula menjengah kita. sekejap saja masa berlalu. tapi kali ini suasananya amat berbeza untuk aku. banyak yang aku terkenangkan ketika ramadhan. yang paling aku tak boleh nak lupa, aku eksiden masa balik dari berbuka puasa. langgar anjing pulak tuh! sakitnya tuhan je yang tau. ngeri beb.. terpelanting macam superman. jatuh atas jalan dan terseret kejap. ouch!..

ada lagi bekas luka kat pinggang aku ni. besar gak la. hampir jahanam skutut aku. bekal yang aku dapat untuk bersahur entah ke mana. mud guard depan dah tertanggal. handle bengkok. cover depan motor pecah sebelah tepi kiri. tangan kiri aku tak dapat nak berfungsi dengan elok sebab aku landing sebelah kiri badan. aku guna tangan aku untuk perlahankan impact masa jatuh. tapi lepas tu nak genggam pun sakit. susah nak buat kerja. itu la pengalaman eksiden yang agak ngeri la sepanjang hidup aku setakat nie.

apa cerita anjing tu?.. entah lah. mampos kot. aku pun tak tau. sebab aku tengah shock dan kesakitan. tak ada masa nak fikir pasal menatang tu. kesian gak la kan. ni la akibat nya bergurau tak kena tempat. pastu lintas jalan tak tengok kiri kanan. malang tak berbau. aku plak yang jadi mangsa.

ramadhan ni boleh dikatakan i'm on my own. aku tak biasa tapi aku tak ada pilihan. sedih. tapi nak buat macam mana. bak kata forest gump, "life is like a box of choclate. you never know what you're gonna get". well, it's true.

kuih muih: staf kat ofis aku rajin buat makan petang sebelum balik kerja. salah 1 juadah di suatu petang.

menjelang ramadhan biasanya banyak dugaan yang akan kita lalui. salah satunya tengok orang bukan Islam makan di siang hari + iklan makan yang bersepah kat tv dan newspaper. or kena tahan mata dari tengok yang seksi-seksi. or tak boleh mencarut kang pahala kena potong.. :-) dan untuk aku pula, dugaannya akan jadi lebih sikit. aku kena harunginya dengan hati yang ditelah ditebat tebal dengan apa saja yang aku ada supaya emosi susah nak masuk. sebab terlalu banyak kenangan aku di bulan ramadhan tahun-tahun yang sudah.

aku tak sanggup nak imagine apa yang bakal aku lalui tapi aku sebenarnya selalu berdoa dan berharap semuanya akan cepat berlalu. bukan aku tak suka bulan yang mulia ni tapi takut jadi perit sangat. so dugaan tahun ni sangat berat. mungkin Tuhan nak ajar aku atas kesalahan aku yang tinggi menggunung waktu dahulu. pasrah je la yang aku mampu.

aku ada tekad aku sendiri tahun ni. aku nak jadikan ramadhan tahun ni lebih baik dari ramadhan aku tahun lepas. kalau tak banyak, sikit pun jadilah. tak banyak pahala, sikit pun boleh la kan. daripada kosong. ready or not here it comes. aku kena banyak bersabar. banyak-banyak bersabar.

last but not least, aku ingin mengucapkan Selamat Menyambut Bulan Ramadhan 1429 Hijrah kepada semua umat Islam terutamanya di malaysia. mudah-mudahan ibadat anda semua diberkati dan dirahmati Allah SWT. Amin.